("Best-of" Edition from 7/17) Dr. Kathy Koch, Founder of Celebrate Kids, Inc. and renowned Author, Speaker, and Researcher, steps into “The Corner” for the first time.

Transcribed with OpenAI Whisper (base.en). Timestamps are approximate. Lightly cleaned for readability; quotations from on-air callers may include filler words. Use the audio player above for the authoritative recording.

1. 0:00you're listening to a best-of edition of the Hamilton Corner.
2. 0:03Darkness is not an affirmative force.
3. 0:06It simply reoccupies the space vacated by the light.
4. 0:09This is the Hamilton Corner on American Family Radio.
5. 0:14It should be uncomfortable for a believer to live as a hypocrite.
6. 0:18Delivery people out of the bondage of mainstream media.
7. 0:21And the philosophies of this world.
8. 0:23God has called you and me to be his ambassador.
9. 0:27Even in this dark moment.
10. 0:30Let's not miss our moment.
11. 0:31And now the Hamilton Corner.
12. 0:37Well, welcome to the Hamilton Corner, Abraham Hamilton.
13. 0:42The third is my name.
14. 0:43We're broadcasting from the beautiful Arc encounter.
15. 0:47We're in the answers center.
16. 0:49Right now at the Arc encounter, delighted to be here
17. 0:53for the Culture Proof Conference, 2026, the conference
18. 0:57is ongoing.
19. 0:57In fact, I will be delivering a keynote address tomorrow,
20. 1:01afternoon to wrap up the conference, but it's been amazing.
21. 1:04It's been on a couple panels, been participating in discussions so far, and it's just been a
22. 1:09powerful, powerful time here at the Arkin Counter.
23. 1:12Yesterday we were at the Creation Museum.
24. 1:14Today we're at the Arkin Counter, and it has been a tremendous blessing.
25. 1:19At this very moment, many of you, if not most of you, are making your transition from your
26. 1:23part-time jobs where you generate an income to your full-time jobs where you cultivate
27. 1:27an outcome.
28. 1:28I want to remind you to do so with intentionality, understanding the primacy that God places on family and allowing his view to guide, to govern and to guard your view as you engage in being salt and light.
29. 1:42And I will say there is no more important.
30. 1:45There is no bigger ministry, no more important ministry than what we do in our homes.
31. 1:52We have on site with us.
32. 1:54The real Jay Mac making sure we have everything rocking and rolling for you.
33. 1:59But we are just having a tremendous, tremendous, tremendous time here at the
34. 2:06Ark Encounter to kick things off. I want to begin the program with Ephesians chapter 6,
35. 2:10verse 4, a portion of the scripture that has just rocked me and it's something I
36. 2:16want to encourage you with, very simply. Ephesians 6, 4, it says,
37. 2:21fathers do not provoke your children to anger rather bring them up in the
38. 2:25disciplined and instruction of the Lord. As we've discussed on this program many
39. 2:29many many many times what may not be obvious is that this verse is a command.
40. 2:34It is a command from the Lord. The reason why that may not be obvious is because in
41. 2:39the original manuscripts, the original autographs first and then the
42. 2:42manuscripts. The first half of Paul's Epistle to the Ephesus is written in the
43. 2:46indicative mood. That's where we get a glowing theological passages like
44. 2:51But for you, it once did and trespasses and sins, it's indicating who we are now that
45. 2:55we're in Christ as a result of being born again, being regenerate.
46. 2:58The second half of Paul's epistles, chapters four through six are written in the imperative
47. 3:05mood in Greek.
48. 3:07Imperative, an imperative is a synonym for command.
49. 3:11So when the Lord says, fathers, do not provoke your children, rather rear them in the discipline
50. 3:16and instruction of the Lord, that is not a suggestion.
51. 3:20That is not a pyatistic preference that is actually a command.
52. 3:25And so when we think about things, like just as on a panel, talking to men and oftentimes
53. 3:31our wives will make this observation.
54. 3:33When you talk to the children, they respond to you a bit differently than when I talk to
55. 3:37the children.
56. 3:38What I want to say to you is that that is not really a coincidental observational phenomenon
57. 3:43is actually connected to God's design for the family because we as fathers have a specific
58. 3:48role to play in our children's lives, including as it applies to discipline.
59. 3:53Now, one of the things I want to say, however, is that an environment for a discipline to be
60. 3:57received has to be established.
61. 4:00When we think about discipline, we often think about it only in terms of sometimes, say,
62. 4:05only in terms of it, and then I say sometimes.
63. 4:07What I'm trying to say is we can sometimes think about it only in terms of it being kind
64. 4:11of a punitive measure or something like that, but the reality is that the root word to
65. 4:15to the word discipline is actually the disciple,
66. 4:18that the express purpose of the application of discipline
67. 4:22is it should be for the believer,
68. 4:24for the believing father, it should be for the purposes
69. 4:27of cultivating a Christ-likeness, a Christ-formation
70. 4:31in the heart.
71. 4:32And so when we keep that at the center of what we communicate,
72. 4:36we should understand a bit better
73. 4:38that the application of discipline is not only,
74. 4:40should not only be viewed in terms of a punitive application
75. 4:43of anything, it shouldn't be understood
76. 4:45merely a behavioral conformity phenomenon. You can train dogs to salivate on cue. You know,
77. 4:51Ivan Pavlov proved that with his Pavlovian experiments. You know, you ring a bell, give a treat,
78. 4:56ring a bell, give a treat. We're not invested merely in behavioral conformity. We should, nor
79. 5:01should we be invested exclusively in some notion of being personally offended. You know,
80. 5:07this happened. Now, I'm offended. This happened. So, I'm embarrassed. All of those things are readily
81. 5:12obvious and evident to the child if that is what's transpiring. But what we want to be able to recognize
82. 5:18is something like what the Apostle Paul articulated to the Philippians when he talked about with being
83. 5:22as a father, where the father not only applies discipline but also as an encourager. It also
84. 5:30is one that calls not merely to you need to do this, but we invite our offspring to join us in our
85. 5:37pursuit in helping our offspring to recognize what we're endeavoring to do and to cultivate
86. 5:43within our relationship with you is the very same thing that God is endeavoring to cultivate
87. 5:48in his relationship with me.
88. 5:50The reason why I am correcting you in this manner is because I'm endeavoring to cultivate
89. 5:55in you a desire to run with me as we pursue the will of God and the call of God for our
90. 6:03lives.
91. 6:04And the major things I want to communicate, I want to stress, and I want to emphasize is
92. 6:10that necessary understanding.
93. 6:13Now when you have this phenomenon on verse 4 when it says,
94. 6:15Father's rear your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
95. 6:19In order for there to be fathers and to be children, guess what else is involved in that
96. 6:24calculus?
97. 6:25It's mothers.
98. 6:27So this is not a command that is applicable to fathers exclusively.
99. 6:32a reference to fathers as being ultimately responsible, very similar to Adam being ultimately responsible
100. 6:38for what transpires in the garden.
101. 6:40He's not as if God was unaware of the technical order of fruit consumption in the garden, right?
102. 6:47But when the rebellion occurs, who does God call for?
103. 6:50He calls for Adam as being ultimately responsible, not exclusively responsible.
104. 6:55That same understanding is what we should understand in our families.
105. 6:59not as if our wives are not involved in this process at all, but we are the ones who are
106. 7:04ultimately responsible. This is also why it is a disservice and I would argue a biblical
107. 7:10malpractice for us as fathers to see the responsibility for discipline exclusively to our wives.
108. 7:16Sometimes we be honest, we as fathers want to be viewed as, you know, kind of good cop
109. 7:20bad cop. And we put our wives in a position if they are the ones exclusively functioning
110. 7:26in a disciplinary role, but we're on the other side and we are only responsible or only engaged
111. 7:31in the fun stuff, so to speak.
112. 7:33We create this dichotomy that is a functional practical dichotomy, but more importantly being
113. 7:38a functional practical dichotomy, it can be a biblical, biblically, violative dichotomy
114. 7:47that we have to be involved in it, man.
115. 7:49And we have to recognize this as you, as we discussed numerous times before, the word
116. 7:54discipline or in some translation to say the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
117. 7:58It comes from the Greek phrase the pidea and the new thesia of the Lord.
118. 8:02The word pidea literally means the whole training of the mind and the morals.
119. 8:06As I've said numerous times, this bifurcation of what we commonly understand is academic
120. 8:10discipline from spiritual maturation.
121. 8:13It's not a biblical dichotomy.
122. 8:15It's not a biblical dichotomy.
123. 8:17The whole training of the mind and the morals is included in this command to rear our children
124. 8:22and God's nurture and in his admonition.
125. 8:24And then the term newcesia specifically applies
126. 8:27to the application of discipline in appropriate times.
127. 8:30What I'm prayerfully, prayerfully what I'm hoping that we see
128. 8:34and that we understand from this passage
129. 8:36is something we say on a regular, regular basis.
130. 8:39What goes on in your house guys far as far more important
131. 8:42than what goes on in the White House?
132. 8:44It's not to minimize or to denigrate what happens
133. 8:46on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
134. 8:48Those things are vitally important.
135. 8:50They have a role to play.
136. 8:51But you and I don't live at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
137. 8:54You know, we participate civically,
138. 8:56we vote, we do those things,
139. 8:57but we have direct responsibility and accountability
140. 9:01to God for what transpires in and through our homes.
141. 9:05And often what has happened, we've allowed the talking snakes
142. 9:08to slither into our gardens and to upset God's order
143. 9:12and functioning within our homes.
144. 9:13And then what we see working externally
145. 9:16is the fruit of what may or may not have transpiring
146. 9:20in our homes, but if we will welcome the Lord and re-entrown him as Lord of all, starting
147. 9:26first and foremost with us as individuals, and then that individual conviction, the submission
148. 9:30to the Lord is what governs our home life.
149. 9:34There's no question as to what can transpire societally if we welcome the Lord to transform
150. 9:39us in our homes.
151. 9:41So, as you've heard saying, I never intended for this to become a saying, darkness is not
152. 9:46on affirmative force, but it does reoccupy the space that is vacated by the light.
153. 9:51So every place where the light retreats, darkness reoccupies.
154. 9:55But the reality is that the darkness is not in and of itself internally potent.
155. 10:01It just has a great marketing team.
156. 10:03The ubiquity of its presence is often conflated with the notion that it must be potent.
157. 10:09But we know this intuitively because nobody goes home after long work, they say, hey,
158. 10:12honey, would you turn the darkness off?
159. 10:14We don't say that.
160. 10:15because we know all that is needed to address the darkness and to dispense with it is to turn
161. 10:21the light on. So, I'm wrapping up, we get into the end of this segment. The main thing that I pray
162. 10:28that you take away from this is the understanding that, you know, God has wisdom for us in all
163. 10:35of the whole of our lives, including our homelives. And if we would recommit ourselves to submitting
164. 10:42our engagement in the function of marriage and family,
165. 10:47and recognize that this is not merely a place of biological coincidence
166. 10:51or relational happenstance,
167. 10:54but God is ordained family as a station of mission.
168. 10:57And understand that we have the opportunity through our homes to do something
169. 11:01that no other human institution is equipped to do.
170. 11:04The organized church is not equipped to do what the family can do within our homes.
171. 11:10Obviously, not to gate the church, I remember the Lord's church.
172. 11:12but understanding what transpires in the family.
173. 11:14It's not the youth pastor's responsibility primarily
174. 11:17to make disciples of our children.
175. 11:19It's not.
176. 11:20It's not the pastor's responsibility primarily.
177. 11:22It's the parent's responsibility
178. 11:24but the father's leading the family.
179. 11:25It's our responsibility.
180. 11:27And we have to respond in that fashion
181. 11:29and respond in that manner.
182. 11:30So if we're willing to do so
183. 11:32and able to do so,
184. 11:33we can enjoy the benefit by God's grace.
185. 11:36And what I'm saying here
186. 11:38is not about some type of guarantee or perfection.
187. 11:40What I am talking about is our commitment to obey what God has commanded of us.
188. 11:46And as we endeavor in that fashion and we submit ourselves in that fashion,
189. 11:51we welcome the Lord to lead us in that fashion by God's grace
190. 11:55that we will see evidence of that.
191. 11:57But the most important line is that we will be able to stand before the Lord when we are evaluated.
192. 12:02The Scripture tells us plainly about the believer's life being evaluated for the quality of our lives as believers.
193. 12:08And when the Lord queries us because He will.
194. 12:10Psalm 127 explains that children are His heritage.
195. 12:13We get the privilege of stewarding them for a season.
196. 12:16But they're not our possession.
197. 12:18You know, I was sharing in the panel yesterday
198. 12:20because my wife and I have committed to disciple our children
199. 12:22from the home and through our home,
200. 12:24that yes, we are sheltering our children,
201. 12:25but we're not sheltering them from the world.
202. 12:27We're sheltering them for the world.
203. 12:30That as we launch them as God has ordained us to launch them,
204. 12:32that we're able to do so in a fashion
205. 12:34whereby God's grace, they are able to prevail
206. 12:36and not be subsumed into this culture, but they will be a part of the Lord's remnant.
207. 12:41So that as Psalm 127 explains that the arrows entrusted to the warrior's quiver, by the time
208. 12:45he gets it into the psalm, that the arrows have now grown to mature to become fellow warriors,
209. 12:50standing shoulder to shoulder with the warrior and contending against the enemy in the gates.
210. 12:55That is what we're seeking to establish, seeking to cultivate and by God's grace with the sovereignty
211. 13:00of his will and the indwelling potency of his spirit as we obey his word that he is the one
212. 13:06that rears us and matures us into where we are fruit bearing instruments for his glory.
213. 13:15So that is what we're seeking to accomplish.
214. 13:16If God's grace, we will be able to do so.
215. 13:20Well with that, with the clarity, you read the entirety of that portion.
216. 13:23Obviously, verse 1 begins with children obeying their parents.
217. 13:26And verse 2 goes on to explain, verse 2 and 3, that it is the first command with promise.
218. 13:31Verse three even explains that this is necessary
219. 13:34so that you may live long.
220. 13:37It may be well with you in the land that the Lord gives you.
221. 13:41And so often we see, yes, that's a command.
222. 13:43Yes, that's a command.
223. 13:44But when we look at this part, fathers,
224. 13:46rear your children in the nurture and admonition
225. 13:48of the Lord, the discipline and the instruction
226. 13:50of the Lord that too is a command.
227. 13:52And it is a command that as we yield
228. 13:54and submit ourselves to the Lord,
229. 13:56as we transition from the only giving offers
230. 13:57of becoming the offerings, we enthron him in our homes.
231. 14:00We're able to enjoy that, the evidence of that submission,
232. 14:03starting first to form us in our homes,
233. 14:05and work outwardly from there into our communities,
234. 14:07into our churches, into society and law.
235. 14:09That's what we strive to do.
236. 15:00Building a strong biblical worldview
237. 15:02can help our kids understand Christian values
238. 15:04that are currently under attack.
239. 15:06And the best time to start building their worldview
240. 15:08is now, activate kids as an in-depth worldview training
241. 15:12course to help kids stand on the truth of God's word.
242. 15:15Each unit includes video lessons, student workbooks,
243. 15:18Parent Leader Guide Games, Crafts and Memory Verses.
244. 15:22Activate Kids is designed for kids six to 12,
245. 15:25and it's available at activatekids.afa.net.
246. 15:35Shining light into the darkness.
247. 15:37This is the Hamilton Corner, on American Family Radio.
248. 15:43Welcome back to the Hamilton Corner.
249. 15:44I am just delighted to have with me here for the program,
250. 15:49but we're both here, the Culture Proof Conference 2026,
251. 15:52none other than the Dr. Kathy Cook.
252. 15:56You have heard of her on my show.
253. 15:57I've talked about a book that she's written
254. 15:59that has changed my life on my family's life title,
255. 16:01The Eight Great Smarts, which is why you've heard me,
256. 16:04even before reading her book, I said it,
257. 16:05but now I say it with a bit more refinement.
258. 16:08That there is no such thing as an individual,
259. 16:10it's not smart, we're all smart, we're just smart differently.
260. 16:12I love it.
261. 16:13And discovering that is key to understanding who we are
262. 16:15and also enabling us to parent and help our children
263. 16:17discover who they are.
264. 16:19And in that regard, she is the founder of the ministry,
265. 16:21celebrate kids, incorporate it.
266. 16:22She is a renowned author, speaker, and researcher.
267. 16:26And it is my distinct honor and privilege
268. 16:28to have you here on the Hamilton Corner.
269. 16:30That was really well done.
270. 16:31I'm happy to be here.
271. 16:33Thank you for the privilege.
272. 16:33Oh, thank you.
273. 16:34Thank you so much for being willing to do so.
274. 16:36Wow, start right there with the name of your ministry
275. 16:39and organization Celebrate Kids.
276. 16:42You answered this question yesterday.
277. 16:43Why Celebrate Kids?
278. 16:45Because Jesus did, so we must.
279. 16:47Amen.
280. 16:48You know, when Jesus walked on earth,
281. 16:49as you know, children were the forgotten generation
282. 16:52were swept behind mama's skirts, if you will,
283. 16:54and they weren't paid attention to until they had aged up.
284. 16:58And yet, when the disciples asked Jesus,
285. 16:59who among us is the greatest, he called up a child.
286. 17:03And I just love picturing the men whispering among themselves.
287. 17:06Like, did he hear the question?
288. 17:08Because that would have been such a stunning blow to them
289. 17:10to have a child be the greatest.
290. 17:12And the verse is about the faith of a child.
291. 17:15And there's a passage in the Psalms
292. 17:17where he allowed them to shout in the temple.
293. 17:19And there's nothing that's recorded
294. 17:20that he said be quiet, be quiet.
295. 17:22He received their praises.
296. 17:24He healed children.
297. 17:25Like he held them and he blessed them.
298. 17:28And they were busier than we'll ever be.
299. 17:30I mean, he was busier than we'll ever be,
300. 17:32but he slowed down and he stopped and he saw the children
301. 17:35and he paid attention to them.
302. 17:36And so celebrate kids.
303. 17:37I want us to celebrate kids.
304. 17:39I want us to pay attention to who they are,
305. 17:43not just to what they do.
306. 17:44Amen.
307. 17:45Because if we pay attention to who they are,
308. 17:47they're doing, it will change.
309. 17:49We have to, we have to recognize them and see them
310. 17:51and let them know that we know them.
311. 17:55And really in that same vein,
312. 17:57if you've written so many books,
313. 17:59I've already alluded to eight great smarts,
314. 18:00but I do want to invite you to share a little bit
315. 18:02about that and why it's such a profound realization
316. 18:07to arrive at and so necessary for us as a society
317. 18:10to understand that we're all smart,
318. 18:12we're just smart differently.
319. 18:13Right, Dajahari Gardner is the researcher of the model,
320. 18:16psychologist at Harvard and figured out
321. 18:18that people behave differently because of their brain,
322. 18:20not just the heart.
323. 18:21We have eight distinct ways of thinking
324. 18:23and it relates to academic pursuit, spiritual development
325. 18:27and how we might find God attractive,
326. 18:30if I can put it that way,
327. 18:31how we might disciple people into a different understanding
328. 18:34of who God is for us and who Jesus would love to be
329. 18:37for us in the spirit.
330. 18:39And it relates to friendship and career choice and all of that.
331. 18:42So we're words smart, we think with words.
332. 18:44We just love to talk.
333. 18:46And hello, words smart.
334. 18:49And then you can laugh.
335. 18:50It's, you know, I mean, if you didn't have a microphone,
336. 18:53you'd still be talking, right?
337. 18:54It's so funny that you say that.
338. 18:56And when I read this in your book, it's like duh.
339. 18:58So in all of my elementary school years,
340. 19:00I would have grades and I would have good grades
341. 19:02on academic side.
342. 19:03Guess what was always to note put on his side?
343. 19:05Right. Talk too much.
344. 19:06Talk too much.
345. 19:07He's bothers other children.
346. 19:08He finishes his work.
347. 19:09And then he's talking to other children.
348. 19:10That literally from,
349. 19:11there's an early time I remember that was a part of my back.
350. 19:13Which is why we teach, you know, self-control,
351. 19:16self-respecting, we just pack for others.
352. 19:18because otherwise we'd all be a danger to the culture for sure.
353. 19:20So yeah, words from everything with words,
354. 19:22logic smart we think with questions,
355. 19:23we'd love to figure things out.
356. 19:25Pictures smart we think with our eyes,
357. 19:27in pictures, in our mind and on paper.
358. 19:29Music smart we think with rhythms and melodies,
359. 19:32body smart we think with movement and touch.
360. 19:34And then there's nature smart we think with patterns,
361. 19:36that's how we know it's a blue bird and not a blue jay.
362. 19:39People smart we think with people, so we talk to people.
363. 19:42Words smart people just love the sound of their own voice.
364. 19:44We'll just talk even if no one's listening.
365. 19:46But people smart people love to interact and debate
366. 19:50without arguing, we collaborate, we persuade,
367. 19:53we enjoy the spoken word, but intentionally.
368. 19:56And then self-smart, oh my goodness,
369. 19:57self-smart people think deeply inside of themselves.
370. 20:00And they love figuring things out.
371. 20:01They might never tell anyone.
372. 20:03They think deeply and it's about them.
373. 20:04And I love to tell them, I just told the teenagers
374. 20:06this morning that self-smart people have a responsibility
375. 20:09to share it, even though their preference is to enjoy it.
376. 20:13They have a responsibility to the culture,
377. 20:14into the kingdom to share what it is that they've understood.
378. 20:17So we have all eight in combination,
379. 20:19and they're life smarts, right?
380. 20:22They're not just for school.
381. 20:23And the purpose of school is to get ready for more of life.
382. 20:27The purpose of school is to not get ready for school.
383. 20:29So schooling has to do with living life with intentionality.
384. 20:33And when we have all eight,
385. 20:34we're just gonna have a more abundant life,
386. 20:35which of course is why Jesus came to the cross for us.
387. 20:38Amen. Amen.
388. 20:40Often you illustrate this in the book,
389. 20:42what we described as athletic people,
390. 20:44people that are body smart, you know, and people who are art
391. 20:47artistically inclined or often picture smart.
392. 20:50And understanding those will enable us to confer with people,
393. 20:56but also even raising our own children.
394. 20:58Because one of the things that you bring out is often we are
395. 21:01tempted in the area of our smarts.
396. 21:03That's right.
397. 21:04And how we can, like for example, if you're dealing with a
398. 21:07child who may be a combination of words smart and people smart,
399. 21:10They may be tempted to utilize, not to give a shout of the Spider-Man,
400. 21:14but use their powers for bad if they're not trained.
401. 21:17And we might be thinking our child has a problem with deception,
402. 21:21but we realize it's the enemy attempting to twist their strength
403. 21:25into something he will utilize for nefarious purposes,
404. 21:29as opposed to being able to disciple that smart into a God honoring,
405. 21:34filtered through the fruit of the Spirit capacity
406. 21:37and ultimately used for God's glory.
407. 21:38Oh, I love the way you said all of that.
408. 21:40The simple example I use is WordSmart.
409. 21:42I'll ask the children how many of you think
410. 21:44it's one of your strengths,
411. 21:45and then I'll have them hold their hand up
412. 21:46if they can edify, encourage, tell the truth, build up,
413. 21:50and then keep your hand up if you can gossip,
414. 21:52tease, name, call, impress the three vocabulary,
415. 21:54demand the last word and sarcasm is your gift,
416. 21:57and we don't lower our hands.
417. 21:59We can do it all.
418. 22:00It's always a choice to use our intelligences for good or evil.
419. 22:04And one of the things that we believe
420. 22:05that celebrate kids is that Satan cares more
421. 22:08about your strengths than your weaknesses.
422. 22:10Your weaknesses don't threaten Satan, but your strengths do.
423. 22:13Because he wants them for his kingdom, not gods.
424. 22:16And so we will sin out of our strengths.
425. 22:19And I think if we interviewed parents,
426. 22:20it's the strengths that drive you nuts about your kids.
427. 22:24Now their weakness is concerning you.
428. 22:25I hope that their weaknesses would cause you to,
429. 22:27you know, go on your knees and pray
430. 22:29and have conversations with them, certainly.
431. 22:31But oftentimes we misbehave out of our strengths
432. 22:34because too much of a good thing isn't a good thing.
433. 22:36And yet here's the thing,
434. 22:37if I would have been raised be quiet, be quiet, be quiet.
435. 22:39would you go find something to do, man, I'm so sick
436. 22:41if you're talking, I wouldn't be here today on the radio
437. 22:43with you.
438. 22:44I was raised to speak with honor,
439. 22:47and I was also taught to listen.
440. 22:49And then I was enrolled in Children's Theater,
441. 22:52my mom and dad said, go talk there a while,
442. 22:54and that's a true story.
443. 22:55My brother was relieved for that season
444. 22:58when I was out of the house for a while,
445. 22:59but I think, and the responsibility, right,
446. 23:02to shepherd our kids and to help them use their talent
447. 23:05only for good and never for evil.
448. 23:07So we'd say it's be smart with your smarts.
449. 23:10It's also one of the things,
450. 23:11and this is the unfortunate reality,
451. 23:13and I've seen this in churches,
452. 23:14where sometimes we could have people
453. 23:17and we elevate them to positions of influence,
454. 23:19and even maybe a bit of authority
455. 23:21based on their giftedness or smart,
456. 23:23but we don't give appropriate attention
457. 23:26to the character that'd be necessary
458. 23:28to shepherd that, come on,
459. 23:30to the passage, to shepherd that smart.
460. 23:32I really believe that's part of the wisdom of the scripture
461. 23:33saying don't elevate people prematurely,
462. 23:36because your gift may get you in the door,
463. 23:38but your character is what will sustain you upon answering.
464. 23:41Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
465. 23:44I mean, speak that again.
466. 23:45We have to do both.
467. 23:46We have to teach character.
468. 23:47Character, I think, is the hardest thing for kids to learn
469. 23:50because it goes against the sin nature.
470. 23:52And we believe that celebrate kids.
471. 23:53We teach children.
472. 23:54We don't teach content.
473. 23:56We teach children.
474. 23:58The most important thing you'll teach children
475. 24:00is about who Jesus is for them and who they are,
476. 24:03who to guide, make you, and why did he make you that way
477. 24:05for such a time as this, it's critically important.
478. 24:08And without character, they can't be that.
479. 24:10Without my character, without my character for Christ,
480. 24:12I would be such a danger.
481. 24:14Logic smart people can solve problems or create problems.
482. 24:18People smart people can motivate or manipulate.
483. 24:21Self-smart people can isolate and become very self-centered,
484. 24:25or they can think deep thoughts that change
485. 24:27the kingdom's work.
486. 24:29Body smart people can hug and caress appropriately,
487. 24:32or shove the way to the front of the line, hit, and bite.
488. 24:36So again, we could look at all of them,
489. 24:39but it's about developing your skill set
490. 24:41to the glory of God, because he chose it for you.
491. 24:44Stop lusting after somebody else's and own who you are,
492. 24:47and do something good with it.
493. 24:48I mean, how many minutes do we have?
494. 24:50I mean, there's so much.
495. 24:51No, it's, you know.
496. 24:52And that leads to the reality of the first Corinthians 12
497. 24:56reality, that we're one body.
498. 24:57We're many members.
499. 24:58And this, again, is by God's design.
500. 25:01but because of, not my audience knows,
501. 25:03I'm making the things between churchy entity and Christianity.
502. 25:06Yes, sir.
503. 25:07Because of modern 21st century churchy entity,
504. 25:09we find people that become envious of somebody else's function,
505. 25:12not realizing, no, no, God is ordained you for a function.
506. 25:15And one of the things that people ignore from persegrity
507. 25:17is wealth is that the Bible goes on to say,
508. 25:19so that there be no division.
509. 25:20Come on.
510. 25:21That there's no division in the church as we recognize
511. 25:23that we all have a place, and as we fit,
512. 25:26as he is ordained for us,
513. 25:27that the body is edified with no schism,
514. 25:30but no division.
515. 25:31So good.
516. 25:32And I think sometimes back to your idea
517. 25:33of choosing men for leadership,
518. 25:34I think sometimes the quieter men aren't chosen
519. 25:37because they have the smarts and the gifts
520. 25:39that don't shout from the rooftop, if you will,
521. 25:41but they're essential because the way they think is different,
522. 25:44they'll come up with different questions
523. 25:46at a leadership meeting,
524. 25:47they'll come up with different answers
525. 25:48to the questions being asked.
526. 25:49And so if you only have word and logic smart people
527. 25:52on a board as an example,
528. 25:54logic smart people think of questions,
529. 25:56words smart with words,
530. 25:57you're gonna have a very limited understanding
531. 25:59of what it is that the church could be doing to the glory of God.
532. 26:02I think that's essential.
533. 26:03And I think, I mean, I know you can say the same thing,
534. 26:05but in the case of my ministry,
535. 26:06without the people behind the scenes,
536. 26:08I'm the one that's known, my face and my voice is known.
537. 26:11And I own that, that's reality.
538. 26:13But without my board of directors, my prayer warriors,
539. 26:15the volunteers and the people who work with me on staff,
540. 26:18there is no way I could do what I do the way I do it.
541. 26:20Without my publishing house at Moody,
542. 26:21I wouldn't have a book written.
543. 26:22And those people need to be celebrated and seen appropriately.
544. 26:27They don't do it for their glory,
545. 26:28but it's appropriate to say thank you.
546. 26:30Amen.
547. 26:31And we need to do that in the church.
548. 26:32We need to see the people who are in the shadows
549. 26:34and call them out every once in a while.
550. 26:36It would be pretty helpful, helpful.
551. 26:38We had something, I don't know, called the Bible
552. 26:40that said, you know, those members that are less visible
553. 26:44are worthy of more honor.
554. 26:45I wish that, maybe somebody wrote that book.
555. 26:48Oh, well, that would mean we'd have to let the Bible lead us out
556. 26:51if I'm trying to get out.
557. 26:53We'd have to know the word and then we'd have to let it lead.
558. 26:55Oh man, knowing it and letting it lead.
559. 26:58What an idea, what a concept.
560. 27:00Both of those are not as common as maybe they should be.
561. 27:04And I don't know at all.
562. 27:05Sure, you know.
563. 27:06I've got my favorite passages that I know well.
564. 27:09I could get much better at it.
565. 27:11But how often do we open the word?
566. 27:13Do we do our children see that we trusted
567. 27:16only on a Sunday morning?
568. 27:18Again, you know, it's a challenge.
569. 27:21These are hard days, but they don't have to be as hard
570. 27:23as they are.
571. 27:23You know, we have guidance.
572. 27:25Do we follow it?
573. 27:26Amen.
574. 27:27I don't want to get too far before I say this.
575. 27:29Where can people keep up with your work, your ministry,
576. 27:32your wonderful books, all that is Dr. Cathy Cook.
577. 27:36Oh, that's so kind of you.
578. 27:36Celebratekids.com is our website, celebratekids.com.
579. 27:40We are on Instagram and Facebook
580. 27:42at CelebrateKids, Inc.
581. 27:43We have a podcast five times a week, sometimes six,
582. 27:46and that some Celebrate Kids with Dr. Cathy
583. 27:48would be the podcast channel that you could find us at.
584. 27:51And yeah, my books are nine of them,
585. 27:54so privileged to be an author,
586. 27:56and they're available on our website and other places.
587. 27:58But buy from us, because that's just better.
588. 28:01You don't mind my saying so.
589. 28:02I do not mind.
590. 28:03I'll say it.
591. 28:04Buy from her.
592. 28:05Buy from Celebrate Kids, Inc.
593. 28:07Celebratekids.org.com.
594. 28:10Celebratekids.com, have it right here.
595. 28:11Celebratekids.com, buy from there.
596. 28:13Yeah, sweet, I appreciate that.
597. 28:14And my last name is spelled K-O-C-H.
598. 28:17So if you googled me, which you are welcome to do,
599. 28:20spell it right, otherwise I don't know what you'll find.
600. 28:22But K-O-C-H.
601. 28:24But that's why I go by Dr. Cathy professionally.
602. 28:26It's just easier since my last name is just weird.
603. 28:29So one of the books before we came on, you mentioned,
604. 28:32and I mentioned to you that I did a show Monday on
605. 28:35a strange event having to do with adult children,
606. 28:39severing relationships oftentimes for good with your parents.
607. 28:45And you wrote a book that just came out in April,
608. 28:47which you shared the title and then talk a little bit
609. 28:49about what you have available for us in that book.
610. 28:52I'd be honored to thank you.
611. 28:53It's called Resolve Conflict and Find Peace and Hope
612. 28:56with Adult Children, Conversations and Strategies that Work.
613. 29:00So I wrote it primarily for the parent of the adult children.
614. 29:04However, I know adult children have been reading it
615. 29:06and they've been appreciating the wisdom as well.
616. 29:09I do talk about estrangement.
617. 29:10There's information in the book about
618. 29:12what could cause that to happen.
619. 29:14However, you know me while I'm a solution focused person.
620. 29:17So the book is about what do we do?
621. 29:19And so how can we prevent this from happening
622. 29:21if you read it with younger children in mind?
623. 29:23And if it has happened, then enough about why
624. 29:27so that you know how to repair.
625. 29:28But chapter on marriage, chapter on grandkids,
626. 29:30chapter on the prodigal, chapter on look at yourself first,
627. 29:34which a lot of people have admitted they've wanted to skip,
628. 29:36which I don't recommend.
629. 29:38First chapter has core ideas about don't idolize your kids.
630. 29:43Parent is a noun, you can't parent as a verb
631. 29:46when you have adult children unless they allow you to do so.
632. 29:49That's important when I interviewed people,
633. 29:51the number of people who told me it was disrespectful.
634. 29:53Like these adult kids who are still being parented,
635. 29:56and they want to now live life and be independent,
636. 29:58and they're willing to now suffer the consequences
637. 30:00of their foolishness.
638. 30:02So moms and dads need to back off and let them become adults,
639. 30:06and that's hard, especially if you've been idolizing them,
640. 30:09which again, this is meant to be an intro,
641. 30:11but we parent as a verb only when they're younger,
642. 30:15we parent as a noun forever,
643. 30:17And now when they're older, we get to guide in counsel,
644. 30:21in support, in coach, in cheer.
645. 30:24But you know what I know, and that is that all unsolicited
646. 30:27advice comes across as criticism.
647. 30:29That's a Jim Burns statement, and I think it's spot on.
648. 30:32All unsolicited advice comes across as criticism.
649. 30:36And I think the parent is still wanting to parent.
650. 30:38I understand that.
651. 30:39Of course you do.
652. 30:41And yet they're adults.
653. 30:42And we need to learn to pray and be quiet,
654. 30:45to ask different questions, there's chapters on conversations
655. 30:48and communications, so because it's tough.
656. 30:50It was a hard book to write, but it needed to be written,
657. 30:52and I'm glad that the Lord allowed me to step into the space,
658. 30:56and I'm so glad you had a show on it,
659. 30:57because it's a mess out there.
660. 30:59Yeah, I'm planning to do more shows on it.
661. 31:01I wanna have you back.
662. 31:01Let's do it.
663. 31:02To discuss it, and one of the things I love about you
664. 31:05is that you're not only a speaker and author,
665. 31:06but you're a researcher, so you have empirical data
666. 31:10to support your assertions that are helpful for all of us
667. 31:13to navigate the time they were in.
668. 31:14We have about a minute before we get to break.
669. 31:17So I don't want to introduce something
670. 31:19that we can't get too fully,
671. 31:20but I also don't want to leave our audience here hanging
672. 31:22because when we come back on the other side of the break,
673. 31:25I want to pick up on a theme that you introduced
674. 31:27in the conversation we had yesterday here
675. 31:29at the Culture Proof Conference.
676. 31:30Having to do with questions,
677. 31:32providing, sorry, having to do with parents,
678. 31:34providing relevant questions to our children.
679. 31:37You heard when I was starting in the beginning,
680. 31:39fees at six, that this is our job to nurture,
681. 31:41to re our children and nurture an admonition of the Lord.
682. 31:44asking relevant questions what aid us into it.
683. 31:46Yeah, and then using relevant answers.
684. 31:49From scripture.
685. 31:50That's what we'll get to when we get right back.
686. 31:52Happy this break.
687. 32:30We may never endure the type of prison experiences
688. 32:33as the saints of old, but we all certainly experience types
689. 32:37of prison experiences.
690. 32:39The question is, how do we respond?
691. 32:41Do we succumb to the flesh and become angry, bitter,
692. 32:45and doubt God?
693. 32:46or do we choose to praise God despite our circumstance?
694. 32:51Read the rest of Praise in the Prison by Matthew White
695. 32:54on TheStand.net.
696. 32:56That's Praise in the Prison on TheStand.net.
697. 33:04The Hamilton Quarter Podcast and One-Bitted Commentaries
698. 33:08are available at eafr.net.
699. 33:10Back to the Hamilton Quarter on American Family Radio.
700. 33:16All right, we're in the final segment, unfortunately,
701. 33:19for me and for you.
702. 33:20with Dr. Kathy and we set up the question before,
703. 33:24during a panel that we both were on yesterday,
704. 33:27you brought up the notion that it's necessary for us
705. 33:31as parents to ask relevant questions to our children,
706. 33:36because of course the word I've got is relevant
707. 33:38in its entirety, but I'll say it this way,
708. 33:40there's a quote that's attributed to George Washington
709. 33:44that says, a soldier best dressed in full battle regalia
710. 33:47who shows up on any battlefield except the one
711. 33:50in which the war is raging, that purported soldier is a coward.
712. 33:55Whoa.
713. 33:56Dressed, armed, on every field except where the fight
714. 34:00is actually taking place, that soldier is a coward.
715. 34:02Oh, that's right.
716. 34:03That is what I thought of last night when you said,
717. 34:05what you said about asking relevant questions that will,
718. 34:08by necessity, require us to provide relevant,
719. 34:12biblically anchored answers, which
720. 34:14you expound to this audience on what you mean when you say,
721. 34:18parents need to ask relevant questions.
722. 34:19Yeah, do we know our kids?
723. 34:22Do we know what they're struggling with,
724. 34:23what keeps them up at night,
725. 34:25what might be a cause of worry and anxiety, stress,
726. 34:29confusion, confusion of the devil?
727. 34:31So are we observing our kids well enough to know
728. 34:34what's going on, and we can't say, hey, are you depressed?
729. 34:39Because if we say are you depressed,
730. 34:40now they're depressed, or if you say to a kid,
731. 34:43are you anxious?
732. 34:44If they're not anxious, now they think they might be anxious,
733. 34:46and now they're anxious,
734. 34:47because they know they're not supposed to be anxious.
735. 34:49And I don't know about you, but I don't know if I'm anxious.
736. 34:52So how would a 14-year-old know if what I'm feeling is considered anxious or anxiety?
737. 34:56So instead we can say, hey, I've noticed a change in your attitude.
738. 35:01What's up?
739. 35:02I've noticed that you're not helping out in the kitchen as much as you normally do.
740. 35:05And it looks like you're avoiding me so you don't want to talk so what's going on.
741. 35:10Because here's the thing, evidence doesn't lie.
742. 35:13So you see what's going on and that's what forms the question in your mind.
743. 35:17And so if you don't ask relevant questions, they don't think that you observe them and
744. 35:21they don't think that you really know them.
745. 35:23And then the major point for me is that the Bible has got to be relevant for our kids.
746. 35:29Now again, you just said it.
747. 35:30Every verse in the Bible is supposed to be there or it wouldn't be there, right?
748. 35:33Like it's all of it's inspired, all of it's authentic, all of it's powerful, it's all
749. 35:36supposed to be there.
750. 35:37But if you don't mind my saying so, it's not all relevant in the moment to every person.
751. 35:42So if our children are struggling with, here's an example, they're struggling with pleasure.
752. 35:47They're putting their security and pleasure.
753. 35:49They believe they have a right to be happy all the time.
754. 35:51So happiness is their priority.
755. 35:53So as an example, they make decisions to stay happy.
756. 35:56Effort won't make me happy.
757. 35:57Obedience in this moment might not make me happy.
758. 36:00You know, doing the spelling challenge words, that's not going to make me happy.
759. 36:04So they're making decisions based on happiness.
760. 36:05So I think we need to possibly ask them why has that become their priority.
761. 36:11So if we understand the root of it, we can teach against that.
762. 36:15But here's the thing.
763. 36:16that our kids are prioritizing pleasure and happiness, what's the scripture teach about that? Well,
764. 36:20the Holy Accurate Transforming Word of God that I've read prioritizes joy, not happiness. Happiness
765. 36:26happens, happiness is circumstantial. Happiness can't be controlled. I certainly can't control mine,
766. 36:31much less yours. And if your job is to make me happy, then I'm going to try to control you.
767. 36:36That's not biblically appropriate at all. But joy is in Jesus. Joy is a result of a relationship
768. 36:44that we have that is permanent, do we lean into that?
769. 36:48And do we make decisions so that joy will be evident?
770. 36:52Or do we make decisions so that we're robbed
771. 36:54of the very gift of joy?
772. 36:56Because we know that we have sinned against God
773. 36:58and there's going to be maybe a chasm
774. 37:00and a separation of sorts.
775. 37:01And so our spirit is grieving because God is grieving
776. 37:05and we should be sad when we sin, right?
777. 37:07So let's teach that.
778. 37:09That's just one example.
779. 37:10Let's show them that the decisions they're making
780. 37:13cultural and not biblical. And let's open the word of God and teach the scripture that they
781. 37:18recognize is valuable. Because you know what, if we don't, and I've taught to kids,
782. 37:23Dr. Thousands of kids, if we don't use the scripture in a relevant way for their issues,
783. 37:29they'll think the Bible's irrelevant and that God doesn't know them. We can't afford for that to happen.
784. 37:35So we have to teach truth from scripture that is truth that they need now. So they wake up changed
785. 37:40buy it, they come home from school, they come home from soccer practice, they go, yeah, yeah,
786. 37:44that version of devotions last night, that showed up today at soccer practice.
787. 37:49That's what we need.
788. 37:50Yeah.
789. 37:51Does it make sense?
790. 37:52It makes perfect sense.
791. 37:53It makes perfect sense.
792. 37:54And it's just much of the conversation and many of us might not want to confront it, but
793. 37:57the reality is because of the pervasiveness of the culture, the reality of technology
794. 38:01are sometimes used for ill purposes.
795. 38:04One of the things that is confronting our children all around the country is the issue of human
796. 38:07sexuality.
797. 38:08It's such a prevalent phenomenon.
798. 38:10And it's just, I tell the story,
799. 38:13and it totally, one time I was in rural Virginia.
800. 38:16It was a child dropped off from a school bus
801. 38:19going to a farmhouse, clearly a farmhouse.
802. 38:22The child got about maybe 15 feet from the front door,
803. 38:25start doing, looks like the little TikTok dances.
804. 38:29And I don't know these people, I don't know them personally,
805. 38:31but I think I'm pretty safe in saying,
806. 38:34I'm pretty sure that little child didn't learn
807. 38:35that inside that farmhouse.
808. 38:37I'm pretty sure he didn't learn that in the far out.
809. 38:40Where are you learning from?
810. 38:42Somebody has some device somewhere.
811. 38:43And so the reality of the culture
812. 38:45is coming into that farmhouse.
813. 38:47That's not something that the parents cultivated
814. 38:48more than likely.
815. 38:49It's something that the culture is bringing
816. 38:51into the farmhouse.
817. 38:52And so on the issue of relevance,
818. 38:54you alluded to it this last night,
819. 38:56the percentage of young ladies who,
820. 38:58young girls who are identifying themselves
821. 39:01in ways that it would be contrary to the scripture teachers,
822. 39:04is something we have to address.
823. 39:05That wouldn't necessarily be the time
824. 39:06talk about, you know, I don't know, punctuality.
825. 39:09Come on, right, right.
826. 39:10Or my kind of my joke line, if you don't mind,
827. 39:12is the miracles of Christ.
828. 39:14Yeah. So one of my joke lines is,
829. 39:15we don't need another VVS about the miracles of Christ.
830. 39:18Now hear me, don't turn off the radio.
831. 39:20Like, did Jesus perform miracles?
832. 39:22Yes. Does he still?
833. 39:24Yes.
834. 39:25Is it important to know that?
835. 39:26Yes.
836. 39:27But there's a moment where we choose to go there.
837. 39:30If we're talking to kids about their sexuality
838. 39:32and their decision to be trans,
839. 39:33and we know that they're on social media
840. 39:35and in places that they ought not be,
841. 39:37that's what we talk about.
842. 39:38And we go back to Genesis,
843. 39:39we talk about Ephesians,
844. 39:40and we talk about the God's design of the family,
845. 39:42and what makes a man an appropriate manly Christian man,
846. 39:47if you will, masculine man,
847. 39:49and what makes a woman appropriately a feminine woman
848. 39:54who's clearly seeking the Lord's attention, if you will.
849. 39:57So, yeah.
850. 39:59Yeah, they're such competing interests.
851. 40:04And one of the things that just is galling is our society
852. 40:09teaches us to outsource everything concerning our children.
853. 40:12That's true.
854. 40:13Even attention to our children.
855. 40:16So in order to ask relevant questions,
856. 40:19we have to be engaged sufficiently with our children.
857. 40:23This again is anecdotally, but I knew a person
858. 40:27who could tell you every news headline.
859. 40:29They could tell you what Trump ate for dinner.
860. 40:31You could tell you the inner workings of Air Force One,
861. 40:33didn't know what his teenage child had on their device.
862. 40:38Yeah, yeah.
863. 40:39It is understandable.
864. 40:42Parents are busy.
865. 40:42Parents are choosing to be busy with the things that are keeping them busy.
866. 40:47We need, if you've chosen to have children, if you're a grandparent listening and you've
867. 40:53stepped into a really important grandparents base, God bless you, take it seriously.
868. 40:56Because you know what, the superpower we have is to know our children.
869. 41:01If they think we don't know them, AI knows them.
870. 41:04The reality is right now, AI would love to be a companion
871. 41:07to all the kids, and we know that we podcast
872. 41:09about that regularly.
873. 41:10So we have got to make sure that we know
874. 41:12what turns them on and what ticks them off,
875. 41:14and what are the desires of the heart,
876. 41:16what are the concerns of their spirit,
877. 41:17and what are they dream about, and what are they hoped for,
878. 41:19and what hopes have they lost sight of, et cetera, et cetera.
879. 41:22And why do God make them them for such a time as this?
880. 41:26Like you're a word smart person,
881. 41:29therefore I can't wait to see what God's gonna do
882. 41:30with that, et cetera, et cetera, because we have to know them.
883. 41:33And here's the thing.
884. 41:34When your audience knows this, because your audience is mature,
885. 41:37because you're a love that the word of God is your standard,
886. 41:41we're known by our creator.
887. 41:44Before we were knit together in our mother's room,
888. 41:46he knew us.
889. 41:47And he chose for us to be male or female, to all or shorter,
890. 41:50and gifted in this way or that.
891. 41:51He chose all that for us.
892. 41:52He knows us intimately.
893. 41:54So we're drawn to people who know us.
894. 41:58So if you don't know your kids, they're
895. 42:00going to find somebody who does.
896. 42:01it might be the kid on the corner.
897. 42:03And that kid now has power.
898. 42:05It might be the star that you don't even know,
899. 42:06they're following on X.
900. 42:08And they actually think that that star knows them.
901. 42:10Or it's gonna be a chatbot who manipulates
902. 42:12and only tells them what's right,
903. 42:13never tells them what's wrong.
904. 42:15And so of course they're drawn to that.
905. 42:17So we have to be in the space with our kids.
906. 42:18Live in the living room and get out of the,
907. 42:22if you will, the man cave and the Pinterest room.
908. 42:26And that's, I'm aging myself, but man,
909. 42:29just live in the living room and spend time.
910. 42:32One of the things that's consistently confronting me
911. 42:34and it's I get a real time check,
912. 42:37I'm watching my children grow now,
913. 42:39I have two taller than my wife and she's not short,
914. 42:43but she's not the tallest, she's five, six.
915. 42:47They're reminders to me that the opportunities
916. 42:51that we have with our children,
917. 42:52the windows really this short.
918. 42:54Oh come on.
919. 42:55And you get mulligans and golf,
920. 42:56but no mulligans with our children.
921. 42:58No mulligans, I can't, my oldest is 15,
922. 43:00I can't go back now to 10 and 11 and 12.
923. 43:02And there's an urgency in my heart for my own children,
924. 43:07but an urgency in my heart for this audience
925. 43:10that God has allowed me access to,
926. 43:11for their children and their grandchildren.
927. 43:14What would you say in light of what I'm sharing now,
928. 43:17that we have about this amount of time
929. 43:19to do what needs to be done?
930. 43:20Our friend Dr. Barnard says that worldviews
931. 43:23usually are crystallized by about 13 years old.
932. 43:26Right, right.
933. 43:27So I wanna say first, I mean,
934. 43:29thank you for your passion, brothers.
935. 43:31But let me say it's never too late.
936. 43:33Amen.
937. 43:33To the listeners who are like, they feel like they've done everything wrong.
938. 43:36They don't even know what a biblical worldview is themselves or they've allowed their kids
939. 43:39to get a job and also play two sports and they're just very involved out of the home.
940. 43:44It's never too late.
941. 43:45You can bring them back.
942. 43:46And your oldest kid is always your guinea pig, always forever.
943. 43:50And they know that you experiment on them.
944. 43:52They're the first one that you try a new bedtime with or whatever the case may be.
945. 43:56So you sit down with your kids and you say, man, we owe you an apology.
946. 44:00We haven't prioritized you the way that we know God wants us to.
947. 44:03Would you please forgive us for putting our own wants and likes first and we've made some
948. 44:07changes and you know, I'm going to quit church choir for a season because it's one more night
949. 44:12I'm out of the home and I need to be here and we're going to invite you to answer our questions
950. 44:18and share your stories with us.
951. 44:20Could we try again to get back to what we used to have or maybe we've never had it?
952. 44:26You know, a sad story that's anecdotal for me would be a 13-year-old boy who, on his 13th
953. 44:31birthday, he said to me, now my parents care.
954. 44:33I mean, this is so tragic.
955. 44:35I even hate remembering it.
956. 44:36He said, I don't think they've ever asked me where I'm going or who I'm with, but now I
957. 44:40turn 13 and now they want to know what I'm doing tonight.
958. 44:42That's a guy that had just turned 13.
959. 44:45Like what did I do wrong?
960. 44:46Like what happened that they care now?
961. 44:48And you and I know why they care now because the culture is screaming, the older they get,
962. 44:52the harder it is.
963. 44:53But so if you're listening, you've got young kids start now with going on a walk and a talk and
964. 44:58you know going bowling, even if you don't like it, it doesn't matter if you like it. If you kid
965. 45:02wants to go bowling or whatever the case may be and get involved and you know get a life and prioritize
966. 45:09them and choose to be busy with them, volunteer together, serve together, play a card game, kick
967. 45:14a rack. If you're going to be on a screen do it together but otherwise get off the screens and
968. 45:19and spend time together and let your kids know
969. 45:21that they're the most important thing.
970. 45:23Your wife, you guys are married,
971. 45:25it's gotta be the husband and wife first,
972. 45:26celebrate the marriage, good heavens,
973. 45:28and then you celebrate the kids.
974. 45:29Let them celebrate you.
975. 45:30Make sure that they know who you are
976. 45:32and why you are the who you are,
977. 45:33and what turns you on and what ticks you off,
978. 45:35and what you're concerned about.
979. 45:38Family values.
980. 45:39Why is your family a family?
981. 45:41To share the family values.
982. 45:42Why did God put you together?
983. 45:44Privately imperfect.
984. 45:46Share the values. Are you doing that?
985. 45:48So again, we could talk all day, but I think,
986. 45:50I really appreciate the chance to communicate that.
987. 45:52It is not too late to make a change.
988. 45:54And the kids don't have to ask for it,
989. 45:56and they don't have to say thank you.
990. 45:57You do it because you're the parent,
991. 45:58and the scripture teaches you too.
992. 46:00And you ask them to cooperate with you.
993. 46:02And you don't give up.
994. 46:03Don't give up, keep asking the questions.
995. 46:05I've written so much about conversations,
996. 46:08and how to ask better questions,
997. 46:10and how to respond to the answers.
998. 46:12We can get better at it.
999. 46:14I'm so grateful that you offered that encouragement,
1000. 46:17because that's one of the things as I travel and administer
1001. 46:21and as I get notes from listeners and viewers,
1002. 46:25that's one of the things that I hear consistently.
1003. 46:28Abe, I wish I would have known that.
1004. 46:32And I'm sure you probably get it more than I do.
1005. 46:35I hear it all the time and I'll say,
1006. 46:37yeah, you didn't know it then, but you know it now.
1007. 46:41And the other thing I say, Abe,
1008. 46:43is they did the best they knew how to do in that moment.
1009. 46:46even in my new book for parents of adult children,
1010. 46:47I write about being careful of looking back
1011. 46:51with today's wisdom.
1012. 46:52You look back with today's wisdom,
1013. 46:54of course you're gonna be harsh on yourself,
1014. 46:55but you didn't know then what you know now.
1015. 46:58So give yourself grace and mercy.
1016. 47:00And if your kids are blaming you,
1017. 47:01like they, I didn't know that,
1018. 47:02but I wasn't even a believer back then.
1019. 47:05Or I was a babe in Christ when you were a pre-teen
1020. 47:07and I know that I made mistakes
1021. 47:09and let's walk this out together
1022. 47:11and let's have an honest conversation.
1023. 47:13but sign your being harsh.
1024. 47:15And I think we stand up for ourselves there.
1025. 47:17So yeah, they didn't know it, but now they do.
1026. 47:21And this is why now we can make a change
1027. 47:23and we can forsake the past.
1028. 47:24But you know what's hard?
1029. 47:25Parenting has a public history, which makes it hard to change.
1030. 47:31There's a pattern to our parenting and it's public.
1031. 47:34It's hard to change.
1032. 47:35But you can change when you invite the children
1033. 47:37to partner with you.
1034. 47:39Because the kids are like,
1035. 47:40you read another book, didn't you dad?
1036. 47:41You know?
1037. 47:42So share the rule, but can you imagine if only the refs knew the rules for the football team?
1038. 47:48It would be a disaster.
1039. 47:49It was a disaster.
1040. 47:49Yeah.
1041. 47:51Or what if there was a football team and there were no boundary lines and no judges and refs?
1042. 47:55That's also a disaster.
1043. 47:56So got to team it.
1044. 47:58We got to figure out how to team it.
1045. 47:59It's not too late.
1046. 47:59We can do it.
1047. 48:00Oh, Dr. Kath, I could talk to you forever.
1048. 48:02Thank you.
1049. 48:02Me, I still enjoy being here.
1050. 48:04But I don't have forever.
1051. 48:06But for now, thank you so much for being on the program.
1052. 48:08We have to have you back on the Hamilton going.
1053. 48:10I would be honored to do that.
1054. 48:12It will be our pleasure. You all have a great evening,
1055. 48:15with the Lord bless you and your family, sestical.
1056. 48:17The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect
1057. 48:43those of the American Family Association or American Family Radio.