Dr. Kathy Koch, Founder of Celebrate Kids, Inc. and renowned Author, Speaker, and Researcher, steps into “The Corner” for the first time.

Transcribed with OpenAI Whisper (base.en). Timestamps are approximate. Lightly cleaned for readability; quotations from on-air callers may include filler words. Use the audio player above for the authoritative recording.

1. 0:00Darkness is not an affirmative force.
2. 0:02It simply reoccupies the space vacated by the light.
3. 0:06This is the Hamilton Corner on American Family Radio.
4. 0:10It should be uncomfortable for a believer to live as a hypocrite.
5. 0:15Delivery people out of the bondage of mainstream media.
6. 0:18And the philosophies of this world.
7. 0:20God has called you and me to be his ambassador.
8. 0:23Even in this dark moment.
9. 0:26Let's not miss our moment.
10. 0:28And now, the Hamilton Corner.
11. 0:34Well, welcome to the Hamilton Corner, Abraham Hamilton.
12. 0:38The third is my name.
13. 0:40We're broadcasting from the beautiful Arc and Counter.
14. 0:44We're in the answers center.
15. 0:46Right now at the Arc and Counter, delighted to be here
16. 0:50for the Culture Proof Conference, 2026, the conference
17. 0:53is ongoing.
18. 0:54In fact, I will be delivering a keynote address tomorrow,
19. 0:58afternoon to wrap up the conference.
20. 1:00but it's been amazing.
21. 1:01It's been on a couple panels,
22. 1:02been participating in discussions so far,
23. 1:05and it's just been a powerful, powerful time here
24. 1:08at the Arkin Counter.
25. 1:09Yesterday we were at the Creation Museum,
26. 1:11today we're at the Arkin Counter,
27. 1:13and it has been a tremendous blessing.
28. 1:15At this very moment, many of you, if not most of you,
29. 1:18are making your transition from your part-time jobs,
30. 1:20will you generate an income to your full-time jobs
31. 1:23where you cultivate an outcome.
32. 1:24And as you do so, I want to remind you to do so
33. 1:27with intentionality, understanding the primacy that God places on family and allowing his view
34. 1:33to guide, to govern and to guard your view as you engage in being salt and light. And I will say
35. 1:40there is no more important, there is no bigger ministry, no more important ministry than what we
36. 1:47do in our homes. We have onsite with us, the Rio J. Mac making sure we have everything rocking
37. 1:53and rolling for you. But we are just having a tremendous, tremendous, tremendous time here
38. 2:02at the Ark Encounter to kick things off. I want to begin the program with Ephesians chapter 6,
39. 2:07verse 4. A portion of the scripture that has just rocked me and it's something I want to
40. 2:13encourage you with, very simply. Ephesians 6, 4, it says,
41. 2:18fathers do not provoke your children to anger rather bring them up in the
42. 2:22disciplined and instruction of the Lord. As we've discussed on this program many
43. 2:26many many many times what may not be obvious is that this verse is a command.
44. 2:30It is a command from the Lord. The reason why that may not be obvious is because in
45. 2:35the original manuscripts, the original autographs first and then the
46. 2:39manuscripts. The first half of Paul's Epistle to the Ephesus is written in the
47. 2:42indicative mood. That's where we get a glowing theological passages like for
48. 2:48You are once dead and trespasses and sins,
49. 2:49it's indicating who we are now that we're in Christ
50. 2:53as a result of being born again, being regenerate.
51. 2:55The second half of Paul's epistles, chapters four through six
52. 3:00are written in the imperative mood in Greek.
53. 3:03Imperative, an imperative is a synonym for command.
54. 3:08So when the Lord says,
55. 3:09fathers do not provoke your children,
56. 3:11rather rear them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,
57. 3:15that is not a suggestion.
58. 3:17That is not a pyatistic preference.
59. 3:19That is actually a command.
60. 3:21And so when we think about things,
61. 3:23like just as on a panel, talking to men and oftentimes,
62. 3:28our wives will make this observation.
63. 3:30When you talk to the children,
64. 3:32they respond to you a bit differently
65. 3:34than when I talk to the children.
66. 3:35What I want to say to you is that
67. 3:37that is not really a coincidental,
68. 3:38observational phenomenon is actually connected
69. 3:41to God's design for the family
70. 3:43because we as fathers have a specific role to play
71. 3:46in our children's lives, including as it applies to discipline.
72. 3:50Now, one of the things I want to say, however, is that an environment for a discipline to be
73. 3:54received has to be established.
74. 3:56When we think about discipline, we often think about it only in terms of sometimes, say, only
75. 4:02in terms of it, and then I say sometimes.
76. 4:04What I'm trying to say is we can sometimes think about it only in terms of it being kind
77. 4:08of a punitive measure or something like that.
78. 4:10But the reality is that the root word to the word discipline is actually the disciple,
79. 4:15to express purpose of the application of discipline is it should be for the believer, for the
80. 4:21believing father, it should be the purpose of cultivating a Christ-likeness, a Christ-formation
81. 4:27in the heart.
82. 4:28And so when we keep that at the center of what we communicate, we should understand a bit
83. 4:34better that the application of discipline is not only should not only be viewed in terms
84. 4:38of a punitive application of anything.
85. 4:40It shouldn't be understood as merely a behavioral conformity phenomenon.
86. 4:45You can train dogs to salivate on cue.
87. 4:48Ivan Pavlov proved that with his Pavlovian experiments.
88. 4:52You ring a bell, give a treat.
89. 4:53Ring a bell, give a treat.
90. 4:54We're not invested merely in behavioral conformity.
91. 4:57We should not, nor should we be invested exclusively in some notion of being personally offended.
92. 5:04This happened, now I am offended.
93. 5:05This happened, so I'm embarrassed.
94. 5:08of those things are readily obvious and evident to the child if that is what's
95. 5:12transpiring but what we want to be able to recognize is something like what the
96. 5:16Apostle Paul articulated to the Philippians when he talked about with being as a father
97. 5:20where the father not only applies discipline but also is an
98. 5:24encourager. It also is one that calls not merely to you need to do this but we
99. 5:32invite our offspring to join us in our pursuit in helping our offspring to
100. 5:37recognize what we're endeavoring to do and to cultivate within our relationship with you
101. 5:41is the very same thing that God is endeavoring to cultivate in His relationship with me.
102. 5:47The reason why I am correcting you in this manner is because I'm endeavoring to cultivate
103. 5:52in you a desire to run with me as we pursue the will of God and the call of God for our
104. 6:00lives.
105. 6:01And so, one of the major things I want to communicate, I want to stress, and I want to
106. 6:06emphasize is that necessary understanding. Now, when you have this phenomenon on a verse
107. 6:11four, when it says, fathers, rear your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,
108. 6:16in order for there to be fathers and to be children, guess what else is involved in that calculus?
109. 6:22Smothers. So this is not a command that is applicable to fathers exclusively. It's a reference to
110. 6:30fathers as being ultimately responsible, very similar to Adam being ultimately responsible for
111. 6:35for what transpires in the garden.
112. 6:37It's not as if God was unaware of the technical order
113. 6:41of fruit consumption in the garden, right?
114. 6:44But when the rebellion occurs, who does God call for?
115. 6:47He calls for Adam as being ultimately responsible,
116. 6:50not exclusively responsible.
117. 6:52That same understanding is what we should understand
118. 6:55in our families.
119. 6:56It's not as if our wives are not involved
120. 6:58in this process at all,
121. 7:00but we are the ones who are ultimately responsible.
122. 7:03This is also why it is a disservice,
123. 7:06and I would argue a biblical malpractice
124. 7:09for us as fathers to see the responsibility
125. 7:11for discipline exclusively to our wives.
126. 7:14Sometimes, we'd be honest, we as fathers
127. 7:16want to be viewed as a good cop, bad cop.
128. 7:19And we put our wives in a position
129. 7:20if they are the ones exclusively functioning
130. 7:24in a disciplinary role.
131. 7:25But we're on the other side, and we are only responsible,
132. 7:28or only engaged in the fun stuff, so to speak.
133. 7:30we create this dichotomy that is a functional practical dichotomy,
134. 7:34but more importantly being a functional practical dichotomy,
135. 7:38it can be a biblical,
136. 7:42biblically, violative dichotomy that we have to be involved in it, man.
137. 7:46And we have to recognize this as we discussed numerous times
138. 7:50before the word discipline or in some translation to say the nurture,
139. 7:54an admonition of the Lord. It comes from the Greek phrase, the pidea
140. 7:57and the new Thesia of the Lord. The word pidea literally means the whole training of the mind and the morals.
141. 8:03As I've said numerous times, this bifurcation of what we commonly understand is academic discipline
142. 8:09from spiritual maturation. It's not a biblical dichotomy. It's not a biblical dichotomy. The whole
143. 8:15training of the mind and the morals is included in this command to rear our children and God's
144. 8:19nurture and in his admonition. And then the term new Thesia specifically applies to the application
145. 8:25of discipline in appropriate times.
146. 8:27What I'm prayerfully, prayerfully what I'm hoping that we see
147. 8:31and that we understand from this passage is something we say on a regular regular basis.
148. 8:36What goes on in your house guys far as far more important than what goes on in the White House?
149. 8:41It's not to minimize or to denigrate what happens on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
150. 8:46Those things are vitally important. They have a role to play, but you and I don't live at 1600
151. 8:50Pennsylvania Avenue. You know, we participate civically. We vote, we do those things,
152. 8:55but we have direct responsibility and accountability to God for what transpires in and through our
153. 9:02homes. And often what has happened, we've allowed the talking snakes to slither into our gardens
154. 9:08and to upset God's order and functioning within our homes. And then what we see working externally
155. 9:14is the fruit of what may or may not have transpired in our homes. But if we would welcome the Lord
156. 9:21and re-enthroned him as Lord of all starting first and foremost with us as individuals,
157. 9:27and then that individual conviction, the submission to the Lord, is what governs our home life.
158. 9:32There's no question as to what can transpire societally if we welcome the Lord to transform us
159. 9:38in our home. So, as you've heard saying, I never intended for this to become a saying,
160. 9:43darkness is not an affirmative force, but it does reoccupy the space that is vacated by the light.
161. 9:50So every place where the light retreats, darkness reoccupies.
162. 9:54But the reality is that the darkness is not in and of itself internally
163. 9:58a potent, it just has a great marketing team.
164. 10:01The ubiquity of its presence is often conflated with the notion that it must be potent.
165. 10:07But we know this intuitively because nobody goes home after long work, they say,
166. 10:11hey, honey, would you turn the darkness off?
167. 10:12We don't say that. Why?
168. 10:14Because we know all that is needed to address the darkness and to dispense with it
169. 10:18is to turn the light on.
170. 10:20So, I'm wrapping up, we get into the end of this segment.
171. 10:24The main thing that I pray that you take away from this
172. 10:28is understanding that God has wisdom for us
173. 10:31in all of the whole of our lives,
174. 10:35including our home lives.
175. 10:37And if we would recommit ourselves to submitting
176. 10:41our engagement in the function of marriage and family
177. 10:45and recognize that this is not merely a place
178. 10:47of biological coincidence or relational happenstance, but God is ordained family as a station
179. 10:54of mission and understand that we have the opportunity through our homes to do something
180. 11:00that no other human institution is equipped to do.
181. 11:03The organized church is not equipped to do what the family can do within our homes.
182. 11:08Obviously, not to gate the church.
183. 11:10I remember the Lord's church, but understanding what transpires in the family is not to use
184. 11:13pastors' responsibility primarily to make disciples of our children.
185. 11:18It's not. It's not the pastor's responsibility primarily. It's the parent's responsibility.
186. 11:22But the father's leading the family. It's our responsibility. And we have to respond in
187. 11:27that fashion and respond in that manner. So if we are willing to do so and able to do so,
188. 11:32we can enjoy the benefit by God's grace. And what I'm saying here is not about some type
189. 11:37of guarantee or perfection. What I am talking about is our commitment to obey what God has
190. 11:43commanded of us. And as we endeavor in that fashion and we submit ourselves in that fashion,
191. 11:49we welcome the Lord to lead us in that fashion by God's grace that we will see evidence of
192. 11:55that. But the most important line is that we'll be able to stand before the Lord when we're
193. 11:59evaluated. And the Scripture tells us plainly about the believer's life being evaluated for the
194. 12:04quality of our lives as a believer. And when the Lord queries us because He will. So on 127
195. 12:09explains that children are his heritage. We get the privilege of stewarding them for a season,
196. 12:15but they're not our possession. I was sharing in the panel yesterday because my wife and I've
197. 12:19committed to disciple our children from the home and through our home that yes, we are sheltering
198. 12:24our children, but we're not sheltering them from the world. We're sheltering them for the world,
199. 12:28that as we launch them as God has ordained us to launch them, that we're able to do so in a fashion
200. 12:32whereby God's grace, they are able to prevail and not be subsumed into this culture, but they will be
201. 12:38part of the Lord is remnant. So that is Psalm 127 explains that the arrows entrusted to the
202. 12:43warrior's quiver. By the time he gets it into the psalm that the arrows have now grown to mature to
203. 12:47become fellow warriors standing shoulder to shoulder with the warrior and contending against
204. 12:52the enemy in the gates. That is what we're seeking to establish seeking to cultivate and by God's grace
205. 12:58with the sovereignty of his will and the indwelling potency of his spirit as we obey his word that he
206. 13:04is the one that rears us and matures us into where we are fruit bearing instruments for his glory.
207. 13:13So that is what we're seeking to accomplish. If God's grace, we will be able to do so.
208. 13:18Well, with that, with the clarity, you read the entirety of that portion. Obviously,
209. 13:22verse 1 begins with children obeying their parents and verse 2 goes on to explain,
210. 13:27verse 2 and 3, that it is the first command with promise. And verse 3 even explains that this is
211. 13:33necessary so that you may live long. It may be well with you in the land that the Lord gives you.
212. 13:40And so often we see, yes, that's a command. Yes, that's a command. But when we look at this part,
213. 13:45fathers, rear your children, and the nurture and admonition of the Lord, the discipline and
214. 13:49the structure of the Lord, that too is a command. And it is a command that as we yield and submit
215. 13:54ourselves to the Lord, as we transition from the giving office and becoming the offerings, we
216. 13:58We and thrown him in our homes.
217. 13:59We're able to enjoy that.
218. 14:01The evidence of that submission,
219. 14:02starting first to form us in our homes.
220. 14:04We work outwardly from there into our communities,
221. 14:06into our churches, into society at law.
222. 14:09That's what we strive to do.
223. 15:00When you look at the fundamental priorities
224. 15:03that this administration has,
225. 15:05rebuilding the American family through the various priorities,
226. 15:09ensuring religious freedom is alive and well
227. 15:12and flourishing in America,
228. 15:13having a Department of Justice
229. 15:15that is actually focused on enforcing the laws of the land.
230. 15:19I have a hard time disagreeing with any of them.
231. 15:21Join Walker Wildman and Rick Green at the core,
232. 15:241 p.m. Central weekdays on AFR or on the AFR app.
233. 15:34Shining light into the darkness.
234. 15:37This is the Hamilton Corner, an American family radio.
235. 15:42Welcome back to the Hamilton Corner.
236. 15:44I am just delighted to have with me here for the program,
237. 15:49but we're both year of the Culture Proof Conference,
238. 15:512026, none other than the doctor, Cathy Cook.
239. 15:56You have heard of her on my show.
240. 15:57I've talked about a book that she's written
241. 15:59that has changed my life on my family's life titled,
242. 16:01The Eight Great Smarts, which is why you've heard me,
243. 16:04even before reading her book, I said it,
244. 16:05but now I say it with a bit more refinement.
245. 16:08That there is no such thing as an individual,
246. 16:10it's not smart, we're all smart, we're just smart,
247. 16:12differently.
248. 16:12I love it.
249. 16:13And discovering that is key to understanding who we are
250. 16:15and also enabling us to parent and help our children
251. 16:17discover who they are.
252. 16:19In that regard, she is the founder of the ministry,
253. 16:21celebrate kids, incorporate it.
254. 16:22She is a renowned author, speaker, and researcher.
255. 16:26And it is my distinct honor and privilege
256. 16:28to have you here on the Hamilton Corner.
257. 16:30That was really well done.
258. 16:31I'm happy to be here.
259. 16:32Thank you for the privilege.
260. 16:33Oh, thank you.
261. 16:34Thank you so much for being willing to do so.
262. 16:36Wow, start right there with the name of your ministry
263. 16:39and organization, Celebrate Kids.
264. 16:42You answered this question yesterday.
265. 16:43Why celebrate kids?
266. 16:45Because Jesus did.
267. 16:46So we must.
268. 16:47Amen.
269. 16:48And Jesus walked on earth, as you know, children were the forgotten generation, they were swept
270. 16:52behind mama's skirts, if you will, and they weren't paid attention to until they had aged
271. 16:57up.
272. 16:58And yet, when the disciples asked Jesus, who among us is the greatest, he called up a child.
273. 17:03And I just love picturing the men whispering among themselves, like, did he hear the question
274. 17:07right?
275. 17:08Because that would have been such a stunning blow to them to have a child be the greatest.
276. 17:12And the verses about the faith of a child.
277. 17:16And there's a passage in the Psalms where he allowed them to shout in the temple and there's
278. 17:19nothing that's recorded that he said be quiet, be quiet.
279. 17:22He received their praises.
280. 17:24He healed children.
281. 17:25Like he held them and he blessed them and they were busier than we'll ever be.
282. 17:29I mean, he was busier than we'll ever be, but he slowed down and he stopped and he saw
283. 17:33the children and he paid attention to them.
284. 17:36And so celebrate kids.
285. 17:37I want us to celebrate kids.
286. 17:40I want us to pay attention to who they are, not just to what they do.
287. 17:44Amen.
288. 17:45As if we pay attention to who they are, they're doing that will change.
289. 17:49We have to recognize them and see them and let them know that we know them.
290. 17:55And really in that same vein, if you've written so many books, I've already alluded to eight
291. 18:00great smarts, but I do want to invite you to share a little bit about that and why it's
292. 18:04such a profound realization to arrive at.
293. 18:07And so necessary for us as a society to understand that we're all smart with just smart differently.
294. 18:13Right, Dajahara Gardner is the researcher of the model,
295. 18:16psychologist at Harvard, and figured out that people behave differently
296. 18:19because of their brain, not just their heart. We have age distinct ways of thinking,
297. 18:23and it relates to academic pursuit, spiritual development, and how we
298. 18:28might find God attractive, if I can put it that way, how we might disciple people into a different
299. 18:33understanding of who God is for us and who Jesus would love to be for us in the spirit,
300. 18:39and it relates to friendship and career choice and all of that. So we're words to
301. 18:42We think with words. We just love to talk and hello words right and then you can laugh.
302. 18:50I mean if you didn't have a microphone you'd still be talking right?
303. 18:54It's so funny that you say that when I read this in your book it's like duh.
304. 18:57So in all of my elementary school years I would have grades and I have good grades
305. 19:02on academic side. Guess what was always to note put on his side.
306. 19:05Right. Talk too much. He's bothers other children. He finishes his work and then
307. 19:09And he's talking to other children.
308. 19:10That literally from,
309. 19:11there's early time I remember that was a part of my background.
310. 19:13Which is why we teach self-control,
311. 19:16self-respecting, we respect for others,
312. 19:18because otherwise we'd all be a danger
313. 19:19to the culture for sure.
314. 19:20So yeah, words from everything with words,
315. 19:22logic smart we think with questions,
316. 19:23we'd love to figure things out.
317. 19:25Pictures smart we think with our eyes,
318. 19:27in pictures, in our mind and on paper.
319. 19:29Music smart we think with rhythms and melodies,
320. 19:32body smart we think with movement and touch.
321. 19:34And then there's nature smart we think with patterns,
322. 19:36that's how we know it's a blue bird and not a blue jay.
323. 19:39People smart, we think with people, so we talk to people.
324. 19:42Words smart people just love the sound of their own voice.
325. 19:44We'll just talk even if no one's listening.
326. 19:46But people smart people love to interact and debate
327. 19:50without arguing, we collaborate, we persuade,
328. 19:53we enjoy the spoken word, but intentionally.
329. 19:56And then self-smart, oh my goodness,
330. 19:57self-smart people think deeply inside of themselves
331. 20:00and they love figuring things out.
332. 20:01They might never tell anyone.
333. 20:02They think deeply and it's about them.
334. 20:04And I love to tell them, I just told the teenagers,
335. 20:06this morning that self-smart people have a responsibility
336. 20:09share it, even though their preference is to enjoy it, they have a responsibility to the
337. 20:14culture, into the kingdom, to share what it is that they've understood. So we have all
338. 20:18eight in combination and they're life smarts, right? They're not just for school. And the
339. 20:24purpose of school is to get ready for more of life. The purpose of school is to not get
340. 20:28ready for school. So schooling has to do with living life with intentionality. And when we
341. 20:33have all eight, we're just going to have a more abundant life, which of course is why Jesus
342. 20:36came to the class for us.
343. 20:38Amen.
344. 20:38Amen.
345. 20:39Often you illustrate this in the book what we described as
346. 20:43athletic people, people that are body smart.
347. 20:44Yeah.
348. 20:45And people who are artistically inclined or often picture smart.
349. 20:50Right.
350. 20:51And understanding those will enable us to confer with people, but
351. 20:56also even raising our own children.
352. 20:57Because one of the things that you bring out is often we are
353. 21:01tempted in the area of our smarts.
354. 21:03That's right.
355. 21:04and how we can, like for example, if you're dealing
356. 21:06with a child who may be a combination of
357. 21:09both words smart and people smart,
358. 21:10they may be tempted to utilize,
359. 21:13not to give a shout of the Spider-Man,
360. 21:14but use their powers for bad if they're not trained.
361. 21:17And we might be thinking our child has a problem
362. 21:20with deception, but we realize it's the enemy attempting
363. 21:23to twist their strength into something he will utilize
364. 21:27for nefarious purposes as opposed to being able
365. 21:30to disciple that smart into a God-honoring,
366. 21:34filtered through the fruit and spirit,
367. 21:36capacity and ultimately used for God's glory.
368. 21:38Oh, I love the way that you said all of that.
369. 21:40You know, the simple example I used is Word-Smart.
370. 21:42I'll ask the children how many of you think
371. 21:44it's one of your strengths,
372. 21:45and then I'll have them hold their hand up
373. 21:46if they can edify, encourage, tell the truth, build up,
374. 21:50and then keep your hand up if you can gossip, tease,
375. 21:52name, call, impress the three vocabulary,
376. 21:54demand the last word and sarcasm is your gift,
377. 21:57and we don't lower our hands.
378. 21:59We can do it all.
379. 22:00It's always a choice to use our intelligences for good or evil.
380. 22:04And one of the things that we believe
381. 22:05that celebrate kids is that Satan cares more
382. 22:08about your strengths than your weaknesses.
383. 22:10Your weaknesses don't threaten Satan,
384. 22:11but your strengths do.
385. 22:13Because he wants them for his kingdom, not gods.
386. 22:16And so we will sin out of our strengths.
387. 22:19And I think if we interviewed parents,
388. 22:20it's the strengths that drive you nuts about your kids.
389. 22:24Now their weaknesses concern you.
390. 22:25I hope that their weaknesses would cause you to,
391. 22:27you know, go on your knees and pray and have, you know,
392. 22:30conversations with them, certainly.
393. 22:31But oftentimes we misbehave out of our strengths
394. 22:33because too much of a good thing isn't a good thing.
395. 22:36And yet here's the thing, if I would have been raised
396. 22:38be quiet, be quiet, be quiet, would you go find something
397. 22:40to do, man, I'm so sick of your talking,
398. 22:42I wouldn't be here today on the radio with you.
399. 22:44I was raised to speak with honor,
400. 22:47and I was also taught to listen.
401. 22:49And so, and then I was enrolled in Children's Theater,
402. 22:52my mom and dad said, go talk there a while.
403. 22:54And that's a true story.
404. 22:55My brother was relieved for that season when I was out of the house for a while.
405. 23:00I think and their responsibility to shepherd our kids and to help them use their talent
406. 23:05only for good and never for evil.
407. 23:07So we teach, be smart with your smarts.
408. 23:10It's also one of the things and this is the unfortunate reality and I've seen this in churches
409. 23:14to where sometimes we could have people and we elevate them to positions of influence and
410. 23:19even maybe a bit of authority based on their giftedness or smart.
411. 23:23but we don't give appropriate attention
412. 23:26to the character that'd be necessary to shepherd that.
413. 23:29Come on, come on, pass it to the shepherd that smart.
414. 23:31I really believe that's why I don't have wisdom
415. 23:33in the scripture saying don't elevate people prematurely
416. 23:36because your gift may get you in the door,
417. 23:38but your character is what will sustain you upon on-treating.
418. 23:41Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
419. 23:44I mean, speak that again.
420. 23:45We have to do both.
421. 23:46We have to teach character.
422. 23:47Character, I think, is the hardest thing for kids to learn
423. 23:50because it goes against the sin nature.
424. 23:52And we believe that, celebrate kids,
425. 23:53We teach children, we don't teach content.
426. 23:56We teach children.
427. 23:57The most important thing you'll teach children is about who Jesus is for them and who they
428. 24:02are, who to God make you and why did He make you that way for such a time as this.
429. 24:06It's critically important.
430. 24:07And without character, they can't be that.
431. 24:10Without my character, for Christ, I would be such a danger.
432. 24:14Large smart people can solve problems or create problems.
433. 24:19Most smart people can motivate or manipulate.
434. 24:22Self-smart people can isolate and become very self-centered, or they can think deep thoughts
435. 24:26that change the kingdom's work.
436. 24:29Body smart people can hug and caress appropriately or shove the weight of the front of the line,
437. 24:35hit and bite.
438. 24:37So again, we could look at all of them.
439. 24:39But it's about developing your skill set to the glory of God, because he chose it for you.
440. 24:44Stop lusting after somebody else's and own who you are and do something good with it.
441. 24:48I mean, how many minutes do we have?
442. 24:50I mean, there's so much.
443. 24:51No, it's, you know.
444. 24:52And that leads to the reality of the first Corinthians 12
445. 24:56reality that we're one body.
446. 24:57Yeah, we're.
447. 24:58We're many members.
448. 24:59And this again is by God's design,
449. 25:01but because of, not my honest nose,
450. 25:03I'm making this thing between churchy entity and Christianity.
451. 25:06Yes, sir.
452. 25:06Because of modern 21st century churchy entity,
453. 25:09we find people that become envious
454. 25:10of somebody else's function, not realizing,
455. 25:13no, no, God is ordained you for a function.
456. 25:15And one of the things that people ignore
457. 25:16from first Corinthians 12
458. 25:17is that the Bible goes on to say so that there be no division.
459. 25:20That there's no division in the church as we recognize
460. 25:23that we all have a place and as we fit,
461. 25:26as he is ordained for us,
462. 25:27that the body is edified with no schism, with no division.
463. 25:31So good.
464. 25:32And I think sometimes back to your idea of choosing men
465. 25:34for leadership, I think sometimes the quieter men
466. 25:36aren't chosen because they have the smarts
467. 25:38and the gifts that don't shout from the rooftop,
468. 25:41if you will, but they're essential
469. 25:42because the way they think is different,
470. 25:44they'll come up with different questions
471. 25:46at a leadership meeting.
472. 25:47It'll come up with different answers to the questions being asked.
473. 25:49And so if you only have word and logic smart people on a board as an example,
474. 25:54logic smart people think of questions, words smart with words,
475. 25:57you're going to have a very limited understanding of what it is that the church
476. 26:00could be doing to the glory of God.
477. 26:02I think that's essential.
478. 26:03And I think, I mean, I know you can say the same thing,
479. 26:04but in the case of my ministry, without the people behind the scenes,
480. 26:08you know, I'm the one that's known, my face and my voice is known.
481. 26:11And I own that, that's reality.
482. 26:13But without my board of directors, my prayer warriors,
483. 26:15of volunteers and the people who work with me on staff,
484. 26:18there is no way I could do what I do the way I do it.
485. 26:20Without my publishing house at Moody,
486. 26:21I wouldn't have a book written.
487. 26:22So we need, and those people need to be celebrated
488. 26:25and seen appropriately.
489. 26:27They don't do it for their glory,
490. 26:28but it's appropriate to say thank you.
491. 26:30Amen.
492. 26:31And we need to do that in the church.
493. 26:32We need to see the people who are in the shadows
494. 26:34and call them out every once in a while.
495. 26:36It would be pretty helpful, helpful.
496. 26:38We had something, I don't know, called the Bible
497. 26:40that said those members that are less visible
498. 26:44worthy of more honor. I wish that. Maybe somebody wrote that book.
499. 26:48Oh, that would mean we'd have to let the Bible lead us out. I'd have to know the
500. 26:53word and then we'd have to let it lead. Oh, man, knowing it and letting it lead.
501. 26:58What an idea, what a concept. Both of those are not as common as maybe they
502. 27:03should be. And I don't know it all. Sure. I've got my favorite passages that I
503. 27:08know well. I could get much better at it. But how often do we open the word to
504. 27:14do our children see that we trusted only on a Sunday morning?
505. 27:17Again, it's a challenge.
506. 27:21These are hard days, but they don't have to be as hard as they are.
507. 27:24We have guidance.
508. 27:25Do we follow it?
509. 27:26Amen.
510. 27:27I don't want to get too far before I say this.
511. 27:29Where can people keep up with your work, your ministry, your wonderful books?
512. 27:34All that is Dr. Kathy Cook.
513. 27:36Oh, that's so kind of you.
514. 27:37Celebratekids.com is our website, celebratekids.com.
515. 27:40We are on Instagram and Facebook.
516. 27:42It's Celebratekids, Inc.
517. 27:43We have a podcast five times a week, sometimes six,
518. 27:46and that some Celebrate Kids with Dr. Cathy
519. 27:48would be the podcast channel that you could find us at.
520. 27:51And yeah, my books are nine of them,
521. 27:54so privileged to be an author,
522. 27:56and they're available on our website and other places,
523. 27:58but bye from us, because that's just better.
524. 28:01Yeah, it is.
525. 28:02You don't mind my saying so.
526. 28:02I do not mind.
527. 28:03I'll say it.
528. 28:04Bye from her.
529. 28:05Bye from Celebrate Kids, Inc.
530. 28:07Celebratekids.org.com.
531. 28:09That's right.
532. 28:10Celebratekids.com, have it right here.
533. 28:11Celebratekids.com, bye from there.
534. 28:13Yeah, sweet, I appreciate that.
535. 28:14And my last name is spelled K-O-C-H.
536. 28:17So if you googled me, which you are welcome to do,
537. 28:20spell it right.
538. 28:21Otherwise, I don't know what you'll find by K-O-C-H.
539. 28:24But that's why I go by Dr. Cathy professionally.
540. 28:26It's just easier since my last name is just weird.
541. 28:29So one of the books before we came on,
542. 28:31you mentioned, and I mentioned to you,
543. 28:33that I did a show Monday on a strangement,
544. 28:35having to do with adult children,
545. 28:39severing relationship, oftentimes,
546. 28:42For good.
547. 28:43With their parents.
548. 28:45And you wrote a book that just came out in April.
549. 28:47Would you share the title and then talk a little bit
550. 28:49about what you have available for us in that book?
551. 28:52I'd be honored to thank you.
552. 28:53It's called Resolve Conflict and Find Peace and Hope
553. 28:56with Adult Children, Conversations and Strategies that Work.
554. 29:00So I wrote it primarily for the parent of the adult children.
555. 29:04However, I know adult children have been reading it
556. 29:06and they've been appreciating the wisdom as well.
557. 29:09I do talk about estrangement.
558. 29:10There's information in the book about what could cause that to happen.
559. 29:14However, you know me while I'm a solution focus person.
560. 29:17So the book is about what do we do?
561. 29:19And so how can we prevent this from happening if you read it with younger children in mind?
562. 29:23And if it has happened, then enough about why so that you know how to repair.
563. 29:28But chapter on marriage, chapter on grandkids, chapter on the prodigal,
564. 29:32chapter on look at yourself first, which a lot of people have admitted they've wanted to skip,
565. 29:36which I don't recommend. First chapter has core ideas about don't idolize your kids.
566. 29:43Parent is a noun. You can't parent as a verb when you have adult children unless they allow you to do
567. 29:48so. That's important. When I interviewed people, the number of people who told me it was disrespectful,
568. 29:53like these adult kids who are still being parented, and they want to now live life and be independent,
569. 29:58and they're willing to now suffer the consequences of their foolishness. So moms and dads need to
570. 30:02back off and let them become adults and that's hard, especially if you've been idolizing them,
571. 30:09which again, this is meant to be an intro, but we parent as a verb only when they're younger,
572. 30:15we parent as a noun forever, but now when they're older, we get to guide in counsel and
573. 30:21support and coach and cheer.
574. 30:24But you know what I know and that is that all unsolicited advice comes across as criticism.
575. 30:30It's a Jim Burns statement and I think it's spot on.
576. 30:32All unsolicited advice comes across as criticism.
577. 30:36And I think the parent is still wanting to parent.
578. 30:38I understand that.
579. 30:39Of course you do.
580. 30:41And yet they're adults.
581. 30:42And we need to learn to pray and be quiet,
582. 30:45to ask different questions.
583. 30:46There's chapters on conversations and communications.
584. 30:49So because it's tough.
585. 30:50It was a hard book to write, but it needed to be written.
586. 30:52And I'm glad that the Lord allowed me
587. 30:54to step into the space.
588. 30:56And I'm so glad you had a show on it.
589. 30:57Cause it's a mess out there.
590. 30:59Yeah, I'm planning to do more shows on it.
591. 31:01I don't want to have you back to discuss it.
592. 31:03And one of the things I love about you
593. 31:05is that you're not only a speaker and author,
594. 31:06but you're a researcher.
595. 31:08So you have empirical data to support your assertions
596. 31:11that are helpful for all of us
597. 31:13to navigate the time that we're in.
598. 31:15We have about a minute before we get to break.
599. 31:17So I don't want to introduce something that we can't get
600. 31:19to fully, but also don't want to leave our audience
601. 31:22here hanging because when we come back
602. 31:24on the other side of the break,
603. 31:25I want to pick up on a theme that you introduced
604. 31:27in the conversation we had yesterday here
605. 31:29the culture proof conference,
606. 31:30having to do with questions,
607. 31:32having to do with parents,
608. 31:34providing relevant questions to our children.
609. 31:37You heard when I was starting in the beginning,
610. 31:39in season six, that this is our job to nurture,
611. 31:41to re our children to nurture,
612. 31:43and in that edition of the Lord,
613. 31:44and asking relevant questions, what aid us into it.
614. 31:46Yeah, and then using relevant answers.
615. 31:49From Scripture.
616. 31:50That's what we'll get to.
617. 31:51Let me get right back after this break.
618. 32:30Jesus Christ never once said,
619. 32:32Your delusion defines you. Keep it up.
620. 32:35Christ, in fact, peeled the scales away from Paul's eyes.
621. 32:38Paul identified as a judge in jury,
622. 32:41theologically, to go out and kill Christians.
623. 32:43And then Jesus struck him blind on the road,
624. 32:47introduced himself, I'm Christ who you're crucifying,
625. 32:50peeled the scales back, and Paul never returned
626. 32:52to that life of sin.
627. 32:53Here, Todd Herman, on a disciples' view,
628. 32:56weekdays 12 p.m. Central on AFR.
629. 33:00The Hamilton Quarter Podcast and One-Minute Common Terrence are available at AFR.net.
630. 33:10Back to the Hamilton Quarter on American Family Radio.
631. 33:16Alright, we're at the final segment unfortunately, for me and for you.
632. 33:20With Dr. Kathy, and we set up the question before, during a panel that we both were on
633. 33:26yesterday, you brought up the notion that it's necessary for us as parents to ask relevant
634. 33:33questions to our children because of course the word I've got is relevant in its entirety
635. 33:39but I'll say it this way there's a quote that's attributed to George Washington that says a soldier
636. 33:45best dressed in full battle regalia who shows up on any battlefield except the one in which the war is
637. 33:51raging that purported soldier is a coward who dressed armed on every field except where the fight is
638. 34:00actually taking place that soldiers are powered.
639. 34:02That is what I thought of last night when you said,
640. 34:05what you said about asking relevant questions
641. 34:08that will by necessity require us to provide relevant,
642. 34:11relevant, biblically anchored answers.
643. 34:14What you expound for this audience on what you mean
644. 34:17when you say parents need to ask relevant questions.
645. 34:19Yeah, you know, do we know our kids?
646. 34:22Do we know what they're struggling with,
647. 34:23what keeps them up at night,
648. 34:25what might be a cause of worry and anxiety,
649. 34:28stress, confusion, confusion of the devil. So are we observing our kids well enough to know
650. 34:34what's going on? And we can't say, hey, are you depressed? Because if we say are you depressed,
651. 34:40now they're depressed, or if you say to a kid, are you anxious? If they're not anxious, now they
652. 34:45think they might be anxious, and now they're anxious, because they know they're not supposed to be anxious.
653. 34:48And I don't know about you, but I don't know if I'm anxious. So how would a 14-year-old know if
654. 34:53before what I'm feeling is considered anxious or anxiety.
655. 34:56So instead we can say, hey, I've noticed a change
656. 35:00in your attitude, what's up?
657. 35:02I've noticed that you're not helping out in the kitchen
658. 35:04as much as you normally do.
659. 35:05And it looks like you're avoiding me,
660. 35:08so you don't want to talk, so what's going on?
661. 35:10Because here's the thing, evidence doesn't lie.
662. 35:13So you see what's going on, and that's
663. 35:15what forms the question in your mind.
664. 35:17And so if you don't ask relevant questions,
665. 35:18they don't think that you observe them,
666. 35:20and they don't think that you really know them.
667. 35:22And then the major point for me is that the Bible
668. 35:27has got to be relevant for our kids.
669. 35:28Now, again, you just said it,
670. 35:30every verse in the Bible is supposed to be there,
671. 35:32it wouldn't be there, right?
672. 35:32Like it's all of it's inspired,
673. 35:34all of it's authentic, all of it's powerful,
674. 35:36it's all supposed to be there.
675. 35:37But if you don't mind my saying so,
676. 35:39it's not all relevant in the moment to every person.
677. 35:42So if our children are struggling with,
678. 35:44here's an example, they're struggling with pleasure.
679. 35:46They're putting their security in pleasure.
680. 35:49They believe they have a right to be happy all the time.
681. 35:51So happiness is their priority.
682. 35:53So as an example, they make decisions to stay happy.
683. 35:56Effort won't make me happy.
684. 35:57Obedience in this moment might not make me happy.
685. 36:00You know, doing the spelling challenge words,
686. 36:02that's not gonna make me happy.
687. 36:03So they're making decisions based on happiness.
688. 36:05So I think we need to possibly ask them
689. 36:08why has that become their priority?
690. 36:10So if we understand the root of it,
691. 36:12we can teach against that.
692. 36:14But here's the thing,
693. 36:15if we know that our kids are prioritizing pleasure
694. 36:17and happiness, what's the scripture teach about that?
695. 36:20Well, the Holy Accurate Transforming Word of God that I've read prioritizes joy.
696. 36:24Not happiness.
697. 36:26Happiness happens.
698. 36:27Happiness is circumstantial.
699. 36:29Happiness can't be controlled.
700. 36:30I certainly can't control mine much less yours.
701. 36:33And if your job is to make me happy, then I'm going to try to control you.
702. 36:36That's not biblically appropriate at all.
703. 36:39But joy is in Jesus.
704. 36:41Joy is a result of a relationship that we have that is permanent.
705. 36:46Do we lean into that?
706. 36:48And do we make decisions so that joy will be evident?
707. 36:52Or do we make decisions so that we're robbed of the very gift of joy?
708. 36:56Because we know that we have sinned against God and there's going to be maybe a chasm
709. 37:00and a separation of sorts.
710. 37:01And so our spirit is grieving because God is grieving and we should be sad when we sin,
711. 37:06right?
712. 37:07So let's teach that.
713. 37:08Yeah.
714. 37:09That's just one example.
715. 37:10Let's show them that the decisions they're making are cultural and not biblical.
716. 37:14Let's open the Word of God and teach the Scripture that they recognize as valuable.
717. 37:19Because you know what?
718. 37:20If we don't, and I've taught to kids, Dr. thousands of kids, if we don't use the Scripture in a
719. 37:26relevant way for their issues, they'll think the Bible is irrelevant and that God doesn't
720. 37:31know them.
721. 37:32We can't afford for that to happen.
722. 37:35So we have to teach truth from Scripture that is truth that they need now.
723. 37:39So they wake up changed by it.
724. 37:41They come home from school.
725. 37:42They come home from soccer practice.
726. 37:43They go, yeah, yeah, that burst in devotions last night,
727. 37:46that showed up today at soccer practice.
728. 37:48That's what we need.
729. 37:50Does it make sense?
730. 37:51It makes perfect sense.
731. 37:52It makes perfect sense.
732. 37:53And it's just much of the conversation,
733. 37:56and many of us might not want to confront it,
734. 37:57but the reality is because of the pervasiveness
735. 37:59of the culture, the reality of technology
736. 38:01are sometimes used for ill purposes.
737. 38:04One of the things that is confronting our children
738. 38:05all around the country is the issue of human sexuality.
739. 38:08It's such a prevalent phenomenon.
740. 38:10And it's just, you know, I tell the story,
741. 38:13and it totally, one time I was in rural Virginia.
742. 38:16It was a child dropped off from a school bus
743. 38:19going to a farmhouse, clearly a farmhouse.
744. 38:22The child got about maybe 15 feet from the front door,
745. 38:25started doing, looks like the little TikTok dances.
746. 38:28You know, and I don't know these people,
747. 38:30I don't know them personally,
748. 38:31but I think I'm pretty safe in saying,
749. 38:34I'm pretty sure that little child didn't learn
750. 38:35that inside that farmhouse.
751. 38:37I'm pretty sure he didn't learn that in the farmhouse.
752. 38:40you know, where are you learning from?
753. 38:42Somebody has some device somewhere.
754. 38:43And so the reality of the culture
755. 38:45is coming into that farmhouse.
756. 38:47That's not something that the parents called to make it
757. 38:48more than likely.
758. 38:49It's something that the culture is bringing
759. 38:51into the farmhouse and so on the issue of relevance,
760. 38:54you alluded to it this last night,
761. 38:56the percentage of young ladies who,
762. 38:58young girls who are identifying themselves
763. 39:01in ways that would be contrary to what the scripture teaches
764. 39:04is something we have to address.
765. 39:05That wouldn't necessarily be the time to talk about,
766. 39:07you know, I don't know, punctuality.
767. 39:09Right, right, right.
768. 39:10Or my kind of my joke line, if you don't mind,
769. 39:12is the miracles of Christ.
770. 39:14Yeah. So one of my joke lines is,
771. 39:15we don't need another VVS about the miracles of Christ.
772. 39:18Now hear me, don't turn off the radio.
773. 39:20Like, did Jesus perform miracles?
774. 39:22Yes. Does he still?
775. 39:24Yes.
776. 39:25Is it important to know that?
777. 39:26Yes.
778. 39:27But there's a moment where we choose to go there.
779. 39:30If we're talking to kids about their sexuality
780. 39:32and their decision to be trans,
781. 39:33and we know that they're on social media
782. 39:35and in places that they ought not be,
783. 39:37that's what we talk about.
784. 39:38And we go back to Genesis, we talk about Ephesians,
785. 39:40and we talk about the God's design of the family,
786. 39:42and what makes a man an appropriate manly Christian man,
787. 39:47if you will, masculine man,
788. 39:49and what makes a woman appropriately a feminine woman,
789. 39:54who's clearly seeking the Lord's attention, if you will.
790. 39:56So, yeah.
791. 39:59Yeah, they're such competing interests,
792. 40:03and one of the things that just is galling
793. 40:07is our society teaches us to outsource everything concerning our children.
794. 40:12That's true.
795. 40:13Even attention to our children.
796. 40:16So in order to ask relevant questions, we have to be engaged sufficiently with our children.
797. 40:23You know, this again is anecdotally, but I knew a person who could tell you every news
798. 40:28headline.
799. 40:29They could tell you what Trump ate for dinner.
800. 40:30You could tell you the inner workings of Air Force One, but didn't know what his teenage
801. 40:35child had on their device.
802. 40:38Yeah, it is understandable.
803. 40:41Parents are busy.
804. 40:42Parents are choosing to be busy with the things that are keeping them busy.
805. 40:47We need, if you've chosen to have children, if you're a grandparent listening and you've
806. 40:53stepped into a really important grandparents base, God bless you, take it seriously.
807. 40:57Because you know what, the superpower we have is to know our children.
808. 41:01If they think we don't know them, AI knows them.
809. 41:04reality is right now, AI would love to be a companion to all the kids and we know
810. 41:08that we podcast about that regularly. So we have got to make sure that we know what
811. 41:13turns them on and what ticks them off and what are the desires of the heart and
812. 41:16what are the concerns of their spirit and what are they dream about and what
813. 41:19are they hoped for and what hopes have they lost sight of etc etc and why do
814. 41:23God make them them for such a time as this? Like you are you are you're a
815. 41:28words for our person therefore I can't wait to see what guys gonna do with that
816. 41:31etc. etc. because we have to know them and here's the thing you know in your audience knows this because
817. 41:36your audience is mature because you're a love that the word of God is your standard you know we're
818. 41:42known by our creator before we were knit together in our mother's room he knew us and he chose for us
819. 41:48to be male or female taller shorter and gifted in this way or that he chose all that for us he knows
820. 41:53us intimately so we're drawn to people who know us so if you don't know your kids we're going to find
821. 42:01somebody who does and it might be the kid on the corner and that kid now has power.
822. 42:04It might be the star that you don't even know they're following on X and they
823. 42:08actually think that that star knows them or it's gonna be a chatbot who
824. 42:11manipulates and only tells them what's right never tells them what's wrong and so
825. 42:15of course they're drawn to that. So we have to be in the space with our kids
826. 42:18live in the living room and get out of the if you will the man cave and the
827. 42:24Pinterest room and that's I'm aging myself but man just live in the living room
828. 42:29Yeah, it's spend time.
829. 42:32One of the things that's consistently confronting me
830. 42:34and it's I get a real time check
831. 42:37I'm watching my children grow now.
832. 42:38I have two taller than my wife and she's not short,
833. 42:43but she's not the tallest species, she's five, six.
834. 42:45Okay.
835. 42:47They're reminders to me that the opportunities
836. 42:51that we have with our children,
837. 42:52the window is really this short.
838. 42:54Oh come on.
839. 42:55And you get mulligans in golf,
840. 42:56but no mulligans with our children.
841. 42:58No mulligans, I can't, my oldest is 15.
842. 43:00I can't go back now to 10 and 11 and 12.
843. 43:03And there's an urgency in my heart for my own children,
844. 43:07but an urgency in my heart for this audience
845. 43:10that God has allowed me access to,
846. 43:11for their children and their grandchildren.
847. 43:14What would you say in light of what I'm sharing now
848. 43:17that we have about this amount of time
849. 43:19to do what needs to be done?
850. 43:20Our friend Dr. Barna says that worldviews
851. 43:23usually are crystallized by about 13 years old.
852. 43:26Right, right.
853. 43:27So I want to say first, I mean,
854. 43:29Thank you for your passion for all this.
855. 43:31But let me say it's never too late.
856. 43:33Amen.
857. 43:33You know, to the listeners who are like,
858. 43:34they feel like they've done everything wrong.
859. 43:36They don't even know what a biblical worldview is themselves,
860. 43:38or they've allowed their kids to get a job
861. 43:40and also play two sports.
862. 43:42And, you know, they're just very involved
863. 43:44out of the home.
864. 43:45It's never too late.
865. 43:46You can bring them back.
866. 43:46And your oldest kid is always you're getting picked,
867. 43:49always forever.
868. 43:50And they know that you experiment on them.
869. 43:52You know, they're the first one
870. 43:53that you try a new bedtime with,
871. 43:54or whatever the case may be.
872. 43:56So you sit down with your kids,
873. 43:57and you say, man, we owe you an apology.
874. 44:00We haven't prioritized you the way that we know God wants us to.
875. 44:03Would you please forgive us for putting our own wants and likes first?
876. 44:07And we've made some changes.
877. 44:08And I'm going to quit church choir for a season,
878. 44:11because it's one more night I'm out of the home, and I need to be here.
879. 44:14And we're going to invite you to answer our questions
880. 44:18and share your stories with us.
881. 44:20Could we try again to get back to what we used to have?
882. 44:24Or maybe we've never had it.
883. 44:26a sad story that's anecdotal for me,
884. 44:28would be a 13 year old boy who on his 13th birthday,
885. 44:31he said to me, now my parents care.
886. 44:34I mean, this is so tragic, I even hate remembering it.
887. 44:36And he said, I don't think they've ever asked me
888. 44:38where I'm going or who I'm with, but now I turn 13,
889. 44:41and now they wanna know what I'm doing tonight.
890. 44:43That's good, they had just turned 13.
891. 44:45Like what did I do wrong?
892. 44:46Like what happens that they care now?
893. 44:48And you and I know why they care now,
894. 44:50because the culture is screaming,
895. 44:51the older they get, the harder it is.
896. 44:53So if you're listening, you've got young kids start now with going on a walk and a talk and
897. 44:59going bowling, even if you don't like it, it doesn't matter if you like it.
898. 45:01If a kid wants to go bowling, whatever the case may be, and get involved and get a life
899. 45:08and prioritize them and choose to be busy with them, volunteer together, serve together,
900. 45:13play a card game, kick a rock.
901. 45:15If you're going to be on a screen, do it together, but otherwise get off the screens and spend time
902. 45:19together and let your kids know that they're the most important thing.
903. 45:23Your wife, you guys are married, it's got to be the husband and wife first,
904. 45:26celebrate the marriage, good heavens, and then you celebrate the kids.
905. 45:29And let them celebrate you. Make sure that they know who you are and why you are,
906. 45:32who you are, and what turns you on and what ticks you off and what you're concerned about.
907. 45:38Family values. Why is your family a family? Just share the family values.
908. 45:42Why did God put you together? Perfect. Share the values. Are you doing that?
909. 45:47So again, we could talk all day, but I think I really appreciate the chance to
910. 45:51communicate that. It is not too late to make a change. And the kids don't have to
911. 45:55ask for it and they don't have to say thank you. You do it because you're the
912. 45:58parent and the scripture teaches you to. And you ask them to cooperate with you.
913. 46:01And you don't give up. Don't give up. Keep asking the questions. I've written so
914. 46:06much about conversations and how to ask better questions and how to respond to
915. 46:11the answers. We can get better at it. I'm so grateful that you offered that
916. 46:16encouragement because that's one of the things as I travel and administer and as I
917. 46:21get notes from listeners and viewers, that's one of the things that I hear
918. 46:26consistently. Abe, I wish I would have known that.
919. 46:30Oh, yeah. And I'm sure you probably get it more than I do.
920. 46:34Oh, I hear it all the time and I'll say, yeah, you didn't know it then, but you know it now.
921. 46:41And the other thing I say, Abe, is they did the best they knew how to do in that moment.
922. 46:45even in my new book for parents of adult children, I write about being careful of looking back with
923. 46:51today's wisdom. You look back with today's wisdom, of course you're going to be harsh on yourself,
924. 46:55but you didn't know then what you know now. So give yourself grace and mercy. And if your kids are
925. 47:00blaming you, like they, I didn't know that, but I wasn't even a believer back then. Or I was a babe
926. 47:05in Christ when you were a preteen and I know that I made mistakes and let's walk this out together
927. 47:11and let's have an honest conversation,
928. 47:13but sign your being harsh.
929. 47:15And I think we stand up for ourselves there.
930. 47:17So yeah, they didn't know it, but now they do.
931. 47:21And this is why now we can make a change
932. 47:23and we can forsake the past.
933. 47:24But you know what's hard?
934. 47:25Parenting has a public history,
935. 47:28which makes it hard to change.
936. 47:31There's a pattern to our parenting and it's public.
937. 47:34It's hard to change.
938. 47:35But you can change when you invite the children
939. 47:37to partner with you.
940. 47:39Because the kids are like, you read another book, didn't you, dad?
941. 47:41You know?
942. 47:42So share the rule book.
943. 47:43Can you imagine if only the refs knew the rules for the football team?
944. 47:48It would be a disaster.
945. 47:49It would be a disaster.
946. 47:50Yeah.
947. 47:51Or what if there was a football team and there were no boundary lines and no judges and refs?
948. 47:55That's also a disaster.
949. 47:56So got a team, we got to figure out how to team it.
950. 47:59It's not too late.
951. 48:00We can do it.
952. 48:01Oh, Dr. Kath, I can talk to you forever.
953. 48:02Thank you.
954. 48:03I still enjoy being here.
955. 48:04But I don't have forever.
956. 48:06But for now, thank you so much for being on the program.
957. 48:08have to have you back on a Hamilton Corner. I would be honored to do that. It would be our pleasure.
958. 48:13You all have a great evening, may the Lord bless you and your families at your school.
959. 48:39The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those
960. 48:43of the American Family Association or American Family Radio.