Guest Host, Alex McFarland, is joined by Zach Clinton, Ph.D., LPC, Executive Vice President of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC)

Transcribed with OpenAI Whisper (base.en). Timestamps are approximate. Lightly cleaned for readability; quotations from on-air callers may include filler words. Use the audio player above for the authoritative recording.

1. 0:03Darkness is not an affirmative force.
2. 0:06It simply reoccupies the space vacated by the light.
3. 0:10This is the Hamilton Corner on American Family Radio.
4. 0:14It should be uncomfortable for a believer to live as a hypocrite.
5. 0:18Delivery people out of the bondage of mainstream media.
6. 0:21And the philosophies of this world.
7. 0:23God has called you and me to be his ambassador.
8. 0:27Even in this dark moment.
9. 0:29Let's not miss our moment.
10. 0:31and now the Hamilton Corner.
11. 0:36You know, in the Bible in God's Word,
12. 0:38when Adam was in the garden,
13. 0:40and this is before the fall of Genesis 3,
14. 0:43God looked and saw that there was something less than ideal.
15. 0:47He said, it is not good for man to be alone.
16. 0:51Hi, Alex McFarland here, and welcome to the program.
17. 0:54Very honored to be on with you tonight,
18. 0:57and we have a fantastic guest
19. 0:59because we're going to be talking about relationships.
20. 1:02And, you know, human beings we were made for relationship.
21. 1:06Obviously, the most important and most primary relationship is our relationship with the Lord
22. 1:12and to know God through a relationship with Jesus Christ.
23. 1:16But then the foundational building block of civilization, the family.
24. 1:22And I've said this many times, I believe it passionately, that everything rises or falls
25. 1:28with the state of the family.
26. 1:31And in the family we learn about relationships and we learn about grace and we learn about
27. 1:37forgiveness and accountability.
28. 1:40And so relationships are so vitally important.
29. 1:42And I'm always excited when I ever meet someone that God is using in a great way to help foster
30. 1:49and build healthy relationships in the home, in the church, in the community.
31. 1:55And we're always, I believe every generation has the calling and really the privilege to
32. 2:01always kind of be passing the baton to the children and the youth coming up and to help them become
33. 2:08everything God intended them to be and relationships are so vitally a part of that.
34. 2:14And with that being said, I'm so excited for you all to hear from our guest today, Dr.
35. 2:19Clinton PhD. He's the EVP Executive Vice President of the American Association of Christian Counselors
36. 2:27AACC. He's part of Liberty University. He's part of light counseling net and there's just a lot we have in common one thing
37. 2:36I've for many many years been friends with his dad Dr. Tim Clinton just nationally known
38. 2:42and they are broadcasters and they have enriched so many millions of lives.
39. 2:49My own family's life included.
40. 2:52But Dr. Zach Clinton is with us now and we're going to hear about so many important things
41. 2:57regarding the relationships in all of our lives.
42. 3:01Dr. Zach Clinton, thanks for being with us and welcome to the American Family Radio Network.
43. 3:06Alex, my friend, always a pleasure joining you.
44. 3:09I'm really looking forward to our conversation this evening.
45. 3:12Thank you so much for having me.
46. 3:14Well, thank you.
47. 3:15And another thing we have in common is just the role
48. 3:19Liberty University has played in each one of our lives.
49. 3:22I'm a twice grad of Liberty University.
50. 3:25I know you are as well.
51. 3:27Tell us about your doctoral program and what you wrote on
52. 3:32in doing your PhD.
53. 3:34Yes, Alex, as you mentioned, Liberty University has played
54. 3:37a pivotal and integral role in my life and my
55. 3:41formation or journey coming out of Liberty Christian Academy which is the
56. 3:44connecting school having been raised there really my entire life from preschool
57. 3:49all the way through twelfth grade graduation day going on to pursue an
58. 3:52undergraduate in business finance and then minoring in a sense in psychology
59. 3:57dissertation and really study with my love and that's something that we share as
60. 4:06well for sports especially that of baseball being able to study the
61. 4:10attachments or the relationships that actually impact the flourishing levels of NCAA Division
62. 4:171 Collegiate Athletes.
63. 4:18So, I was studying parental attachment, best friend attachment, God attachment, then actually
64. 4:22the pivotal role of a coach, somebody that can be a substitutionary parental figure.
65. 4:28Indeed.
66. 4:29That is so powerful and not a lot is written on that.
67. 4:33I know, you know, I never played baseball in college, played up through 10th grade in
68. 4:38high school and you know by the time I was playing baseball in high school
69. 4:43pitching was really kind of getting to the next level and it took about getting
70. 4:50hit with one pitch by college grade baseball players I was like you know what
71. 4:57maybe my baseball season is wrapping up here but I have great appreciation for
72. 5:02those that were able to like yourself play at the college level but the role
73. 5:07of a coach and more than ever tell Dr. Clinton isn't it true that young people, especially
74. 5:13young boys, they need the male role models to encourage, to stretch them, but to model
75. 5:21what godly manhood is like.
76. 5:24I really want to devote time to this, but thank God for the fathers, thank God for pastors
77. 5:31and teachers, but coaches can play an incredibly positive role in the development of young men,
78. 5:36that they absolutely they can. I think that's the idea here where there's a lot of homes.
79. 5:42I mean some of the stats are pretty alarming when it comes to fatherlessness. We're in a
80. 5:47fatherless epidemic. I would say that's running pretty rampant throughout our culture and society.
81. 5:51Some of the stats would reveal that about 24.7 million children or 33% of our kids live absent
82. 5:58of their biological father. Around 23% of children in the United States are raised by a single parent,
83. 6:0380% of those homes being led by single mothers. Children from single parent families are twice
84. 6:09as likely acts to suffer from mental health and behavioral problems. Some other statistics,
85. 6:1485% of youth in prison come from fatherless homes, 71% of high school dropouts come from
86. 6:19fatherless homes, 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. And so when
87. 6:24we talk about the identity and the role of a coach, somebody, a teacher, a counselor, whatever it is,
88. 6:30somebody that takes that substitutionary role that can step up,
89. 6:33speak up and step into a moment for a child in need.
90. 6:36Every kid, I was raised to remember this.
91. 6:38Every kid needs somebody that's absolutely crazy about them.
92. 6:42And a coach has the opportunity as Billy Graham once said, to be able to impact
93. 6:47more kids in a given year than most would be able to impact kids throughout a lifetime.
94. 6:51And so what an opportunity, what a pivotal role a coach can most definitely play.
95. 6:56Praise God.
96. 6:57Praise God.
97. 6:58Dr. Clinton, you did your PhD, you're a licensed professional counselor, you work closely with
98. 7:04teens and young adults, both in your practice and through Liberty University and the various
99. 7:11avenues like ACC.
100. 7:14So what do you think or what are you seeing as some of the bigger struggles that young
101. 7:18people in this generation are grappling with right now?
102. 7:24You know, Alexis, I said across from kids, as you mentioned, youth, I mean, four or five
103. 7:28year olds all the way up to those teenage adolescent years into young adulthood.
104. 7:32I think a lot of the challenges are pretty similar.
105. 7:35A lot of it comes down to identity confusion, just kind of unsure of who they are, not really
106. 7:41knowing the story that they find themselves in, not knowing the author and the perfector
107. 7:46of our faith especially.
108. 7:47And so I'm just a big advocate for understanding that I believe the difference between those
109. 7:52who went in life and those who don't comes down to the story that we tell ourselves.
110. 7:55And a lot of us are told a false story in those early developmental years, whether we
111. 8:00grew up in a home where we didn't feel wanted or we felt abandoned.
112. 8:03A lot of us develop these things that make us believe that we are someone, that we are
113. 8:08not or that this world is not a trustworthy place.
114. 8:11Those that were supposed to love, we can't even trust, let alone love in that capacity.
115. 8:15So a lot of the stories are off.
116. 8:16I think then comparison in a technology driven world that is continuing to run rampant when
117. 8:22we're on our phones.
118. 8:23We're doomed scrolling.
119. 8:24just surfing the web all the time.
120. 8:26A lot of us think that we're behind.
121. 8:28We should be further along,
122. 8:30and those should be statements can become very crippling,
123. 8:33especially for our next generation,
124. 8:34when they're looking into somebody else's lane
125. 8:36or comparing their life to somebody else's life.
126. 8:39Comparison is becoming a culprit.
127. 8:42And then I think the last thing is a lot of times,
128. 8:44because of technology, because of phones,
129. 8:46there's a lack of community.
130. 8:48I think a lot of these kids are being raised in homes
131. 8:51where I remember somebody once told me
132. 8:53that the punishment used to be, go to your room.
133. 8:56And nowadays the punishment is get out of your room.
134. 8:59Because so many kids are just isolating themselves
135. 9:03and they would much rather be alone
136. 9:05because I think they live in shame.
137. 9:06I think they kind of really struggle with believing
138. 9:10that this world is maybe a safe place
139. 9:12and they really struggle with this idea
140. 9:14of belonging and acceptance.
141. 9:16And I think those three things
142. 9:18are pretty much the culprits behind a lot of our challenges
143. 9:21special our mental health and behavioral health challenges
144. 9:23amongst our next generation.
145. 9:25How do you encourage parents to have their kids not,
146. 9:31like you say, not always comparing themselves?
147. 9:34Because I mean, if you look at, you know,
148. 9:36people's social media posts, it's gonna be Photoshop,
149. 9:40it's the filters Photoshop, you know,
150. 9:43everybody's got it going on, but me.
151. 9:46And there's this dissatisfaction that,
152. 9:49that well people of any age, but especially young people,
153. 9:52especially adolescents can feel this dissatisfaction
154. 9:56because everybody's got it wrapped up but me.
155. 10:02You know, there's an acronym FOMO, Fear of Missing Out.
156. 10:06And if the world we see is just the perfect,
157. 10:11perfect everything of social media,
158. 10:14we're going to just assume that I've been left
159. 10:18the station and the train has gone and I'm left behind.
160. 10:23And that's just not at all reality, is it?
161. 10:26It's not reality at all.
162. 10:27And I think you mentioned it.
163. 10:29We live in a comparison culture built on perceived perfection.
164. 10:32I think social media is really just an engine
165. 10:35for human highlight reels where people are constantly posting
166. 10:38the great things that they experienced in life,
167. 10:40but they never really even give you an understanding
168. 10:43or breadth to realize that, man,
169. 10:45there are a lot of challenges.
170. 10:46There are a lot of shortcomings.
171. 10:47there are a lot of hardships and moments of suffering
172. 10:49that we experience in life as well.
173. 10:51And so when we then experience hardships and trials,
174. 10:54we almost begin to like ostracize ourself
175. 10:56and believe that we're the only ones going through that.
176. 10:58There's no sense of normalization with suffering.
177. 11:01And so I think to parents, a call to parents,
178. 11:03a lot of the time, as I'm working with kids,
179. 11:05I never just solely work with a child.
180. 11:07I work with the family.
181. 11:08I bring parents into sessions.
182. 11:10I'm always catching them up to speed
183. 11:12in the last 10 or 15 minutes so they understand that.
184. 11:15But I think the recognition is continuing to provide safety,
185. 11:19continuing to see your kids emotionally,
186. 11:21continuing to soothe them in times of need,
187. 11:23so equipping them with the strategies to realize.
188. 11:25And I think really the question is,
189. 11:27what do you define as rich within your home?
190. 11:29If you're in a sense modeling that it's about things
191. 11:32or it's about stuff or it's about money and the cars
192. 11:35and the size of the house or what you look like in appearance,
193. 11:38then I think our kids are gonna fall in line
194. 11:40with that idea of what it means to be rich.
195. 11:42But if we're actually placing an emphasis on,
196. 11:44know it's the relational equity.
197. 11:46It's being able to have people in your corner.
198. 11:48It's building out the things that actually matter.
199. 11:50My dad, Alex, always tells me this.
200. 11:52The modern-day definition of the word tragedy
201. 11:55is becoming good at the things that don't matter
202. 11:57in this life.
203. 11:58And as parents, we have to model and show our kids
204. 12:01that it's the relationships that make us rich
205. 12:03because most men are poor when all they have is money.
206. 12:06And I see that too often within the family unit, Alex.
207. 12:09And I know you have as well.
208. 12:11Yeah, exactly.
209. 12:12Exactly.
210. 12:13Folks, if you're just tuning in,
211. 12:14Alex McFarland here, our guest, Dr. Zach Clinton of Liberty University, AACC. We're going to
212. 12:20do this multiple times in this visit today, but Zach, I want you to give your website and how people
213. 12:26can follow the vital work that you're doing. Yes, you can go to ZachClinton.com. There's some
214. 12:32podcasts, there's some free resources there, but also you can go to AACC.net. And that's really
215. 12:38where we have a lot of resources that are clinically excellent, but also distinctively Christian to
216. 12:42help you find the caring counsel that I think you desire and deserve.
217. 12:46Amen.
218. 12:47You know, let me ask you this.
219. 12:50What's the danger?
220. 12:51You mentioned our identity, finding our identity.
221. 12:55And that's not only, you know, maturing and launching, but especially as a follower of
222. 13:02Christ that our identity and our worth and our value is in Jesus.
223. 13:08But even Christians could define their worth as by how many likes they've got for a post.
224. 13:18How dangerous, how concerned are you about that if we, if I feel good today just based
225. 13:25on a good social media ranking and then my joy, my worth is just evaporated.
226. 13:36If somebody else gets more likes and clicks,
227. 13:40how unhealthy is that, Dr. Clinton?
228. 13:43Well, the problem, if you place your worth value
229. 13:46and identity in your performance,
230. 13:48is you'll only be as good as the last game.
231. 13:50You'll only be as good as your last post.
232. 13:53You'll only be as good as the amount of views
233. 13:55that you get on your videos, whatever it is.
234. 13:57And so that's a detrimental thing
235. 13:59because if my worth and value is attached to those things,
236. 14:02then all of a sudden,
237. 14:03what am I gonna think about myself when it is a bad day?
238. 14:05because nobody has a good day every day.
239. 14:08It's the recognition that we have to place our worth
240. 14:11in something eternal.
241. 14:12We have to, as Colossians 3 talks about,
242. 14:14place our thoughts on things above,
243. 14:16rather than on things of this world.
244. 14:18We can't just ruminate on all of the negative things,
245. 14:21or in a sense on our self-pity,
246. 14:23we have to begin to renovate and renew our thoughts daily
247. 14:26by spending time in God's Word,
248. 14:28by spending time in prayer, by drawing our attention
249. 14:31to worship each and every day,
250. 14:32and by walking in the Spirit as Galatians 5, 16 talks about,
251. 14:35is just this idea of what does it truly mean
252. 14:39for us to realize that man,
253. 14:40we are who we are because of who's we are.
254. 14:43And my problem here, Alex, I think a lot of kids
255. 14:45fall prey into as well is that they-
256. 14:47Oh, forgive me, forgive me, that.
257. 14:49We've got to take a break, folks.
258. 14:50You don't want to miss the rest of this show.
259. 14:52Our guest, Dr. Zach Clinton, relationships,
260. 14:56and how to keep them healthy.
261. 14:57Stay tuned.
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283. 16:04Shining light into the darkness,
284. 16:07this is the Hamilton Corner, an American family radio.
285. 16:11Welcome back to the program.
286. 16:12We're going to resume our conversation with Dr. Zach Clinton
287. 16:15in just a moment.
288. 16:16But I want to ask everybody to pray
289. 16:18because as you hear this program,
290. 16:21we're heading to Montana for the first of eight summer youth
291. 16:25camps.
292. 16:26We'll have over 2,000 teenagers in our summer biblical worldview
293. 16:30camps.
294. 16:31We'll be in Florida and Pennsylvania and Montana, Colorado,
295. 16:34North Carolina.
296. 16:36And so please keep that in prayer every year.
297. 16:38And I give God all the glory.
298. 16:40but we have, like last year, 624 kids put their faith in Christ.
299. 16:45We have kids that come back multiple summers
300. 16:47and they grow in the Lord.
301. 16:49And you know, having been at this about 27 years now,
302. 16:54there are alumnus from our camps and conferences and events
303. 16:57that are now in ministry, in law, in education.
304. 17:02And so I value your prayers.
305. 17:03My travel schedule is at alexmakfarlane.com.
306. 17:07By the way, two things I would really, really ask you
307. 17:09pray about and consider coming if you happen to be in this part of the world.
308. 17:13June 7-10, I'm in Elkin, North Carolina, Western North Carolina, part of our Revive US tour.
309. 17:21And we are going to be at Elkin and the complete info is there, June 7-10.
310. 17:26It's an evening, every night for four nights.
311. 17:29We've got music, we've got special emphasis on youth and family.
312. 17:33But calling our nation back to Jesus Christ, which is the hope of America.
313. 17:38But then listen up everybody, June 20th.
314. 17:42I'll be in North Myrtle Beach, the Greg Roles Legacy Theater.
315. 17:47Now for the last three summers, we've had Charlie Kirk, we've had Frank Turic, a lot of great
316. 17:53speakers up and down the coast at Myrtle Beach because Myrtle Beach is kind of like Branson,
317. 17:59Missouri, all these music theaters which we rent.
318. 18:02And we'll have a Revive US event at the Greg Roles Theater Saturday night, June 20th.
319. 18:08It is free, but you do have to register because space is limited.
320. 18:13We've got music, videos, and we're going to talk about your role in the spiritual awakening
321. 18:19that our nation so desperately needs.
322. 18:20We're going to be answering questions like, can we know that God exists?
323. 18:25And why is there evil in the world?
324. 18:27And then of course the question, does God really care about me?
325. 18:31So June 20th, the Revive US tour in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, one of America's great destinations.
326. 18:38We'd love for you to be there.
327. 18:39Go to alexmcfarland.com for complete information.
328. 18:43Well, we're going to resume our conversation with Dr. Zach Clinton.
329. 18:47And before the break, we were talking about relationships and the role that mentors and
330. 18:52coaches play.
331. 18:54I want to get back to that.
332. 18:55But Dr. Clinton, thanks for being with us tonight.
333. 18:58And even more importantly, thanks for the work that you're doing throughout our nation
334. 19:02in the lives of people.
335. 19:03I commend you, sir.
336. 19:04Alex, I so appreciate you.
337. 19:06I always love the time we get to spend together.
338. 19:08And again, on behalf of the AACC, my dad, Dr. Tim Clinton,
339. 19:11we love and appreciate all the incredible work
340. 19:14that God is doing in and through you
341. 19:16and His ministry through you as well.
342. 19:17I would encourage anybody, go wherever Alex McFarland is,
343. 19:21because you are going to be blessed
344. 19:22and it's gonna deeply enrich your life and those that you love.
345. 19:25Well, you're very kind, God bless you.
346. 19:27I appreciate you, I know you know this,
347. 19:29but I have to say this, I know your dad and mom
348. 19:33are so proud of you and the work that you're doing.
349. 19:36I became friends with your dad, Dr. Tim Clinton,
350. 19:39when I was at Liberty now, like 30 years ago.
351. 19:44And your dad is one of the great leaders in our nation.
352. 19:50He and I had the privilege of working together
353. 19:52with Dr. James Dobson.
354. 19:55And so the respect I have for your family
355. 19:58is just beyond measure, Zach.
356. 20:00And it's a privilege to deepen
357. 20:02and cultivate the friendship with you.
358. 20:05Most definitely, sir.
359. 20:05I love my family.
360. 20:06I'm so grateful, honored, privileged to have been raised
361. 20:10by two parents that love God, loved each other,
362. 20:13and loved my sister and I, and now my wife,
363. 20:16and my brother-in-law, and my nieces,
364. 20:18more than anything in the world,
365. 20:19and that has created a great opportunity
366. 20:22for us to flourish in this life.
367. 20:23So thank you for saying that.
368. 20:25Amen.
369. 20:26Well, let's talk for just a moment about family,
370. 20:29because everything rises or falls
371. 20:34on the state of the family.
372. 20:36And let's talk about the role that family
373. 20:39plays in the trajectory of someone's life.
374. 20:44It's just beyond measure, isn't it?
375. 20:47It's beyond measure.
376. 20:48So even in my dissertation research, Alex,
377. 20:51a lot of the results of those different things
378. 20:54and all of the athletes that I was studying
379. 20:57is recognizing that parental attachment
380. 20:59or the family unit has a direct correlation,
381. 21:02a significant direct correlation on whether or not kids will flourish, not only in childhood
382. 21:07and adolescence, but into their young adult years, because a lot of time these attachment
383. 21:11frameworks, if we go into attachment theory, John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, all of the research
384. 21:15that they came up with, that this attachment framework is really developed by the age of
385. 21:19two years old doesn't mean that it's cemented by the grace of God.
386. 21:22We have this thing called neuroplasticity where our brains can begin to grow and develop
387. 21:26and be fluid and shape throughout time, and more specifically through unique relationships.
388. 21:31But as these things are more secure, they're over time.
389. 21:34I realized in my research is that, man, the family unit, like you said, is where things
390. 21:38really do rise and fall.
391. 21:40There's probably a big reason as to why Proverbs 22, 6 says, raise up a child in a sense in
392. 21:46the way that they should walk so that later on in life, they would not depart from it.
393. 21:50There's a reason why it says that even when your mother or father forsake you, that God
394. 21:54never will this idea of both and that we need God, but we also need each other in this
395. 21:59journey in this fight and the family, Alex, it matters more than people could ever ask
396. 22:05think or even imagine.
397. 22:07You know, well, it does and look, all of us, you know, there's this old joke that, you
398. 22:13know, families are like brownies, mostly sweet with a few nuts.
399. 22:20All of us have had, you know, hopefully some positive things.
400. 22:24Maybe we've got some things we kind of wish we could move on beyond.
401. 22:28Let's talk about, for the person listening,
402. 22:31and maybe their parental relationships
403. 22:35were not that pleasant.
404. 22:36Maybe their family background has not been ideal,
405. 22:40but not only in reality, there can be a new day,
406. 22:45but especially as Christians.
407. 22:47One of my favorite verses, Dr. Clinton is Joel 225,
408. 22:53where God says, I restore the years the locust has eaten.
409. 22:57That's kind of a farming illustration.
410. 22:59Imagine locusts tear up your crop and eat all your crop.
411. 23:04Well, you know, there's no hope till next year.
412. 23:07No, God says, I can give you a do over.
413. 23:10I can restore the years the locust has eaten.
414. 23:13So with that being said, Zach, speak to the person
415. 23:17who needs the reminder that no matter what your past was,
416. 23:22your present and future in Jesus Christ
417. 23:26can be redeemed and changed.
418. 23:29And most definitely can, you know.
419. 23:30I'm just thinking there's this phrase called a strangement
420. 23:33that's running pretty rampant,
421. 23:35especially in the mental health space.
422. 23:36And I think rampant within the church,
423. 23:38within the pews that a lot of pastors
424. 23:40maybe don't even realize, Alex.
425. 23:42And I think the big problem is that a lot of times
426. 23:45there's been some misguidance toward whether it's
427. 23:48no contact or whether it's toward not forgiving
428. 23:52or this lack of reconciliation within the home.
429. 23:54And one thing I want to just note up front is as you mentioned, some kids, Alex, were not
430. 23:59privileged with the opportunity of being raised in homes like I was.
431. 24:02Like I know that sometimes I'm an anomaly.
432. 24:05And to be completely honest with you, there's a lot of people that I sit across from on a
433. 24:07regular basis who are raised in a lot of discord, a lot of challenge, a lot of chaos within
434. 24:13their family unit.
435. 24:14And they don't have as strong or as meaningful relationships with their mom and or dad or
436. 24:19their siblings.
437. 24:20There was a lot of hurt.
438. 24:21There was a lot of wounds.
439. 24:22There was abuse.
440. 24:23neglect. There was countless things. There was trauma. Childhood adverse experiences are some of
441. 24:28the things, ACEs are things that we talk all the time about. Two-thirds of all kids experience
442. 24:34an adverse childhood experience or trauma by the age of 16 years old. One in four girls, one in six
443. 24:40boys are sexually abused by the age of 18 by someone they should have loved or trust within the home.
444. 24:45You think about those stats for a moment. I mean, those are alarming. And so to a person
445. 24:50that looks back at their past and says,
446. 24:53man, Zach, there's so much hurt,
447. 24:54there's so much damage, there were so many wounds.
448. 24:57Like I don't wanna take responsibility
449. 24:59for the things that have happened to me.
450. 25:00As you mentioned though, by the blood that was shed
451. 25:03on a cross at Calvary, because of what Jesus has done
452. 25:06for us, redemption is possible because it was paid
453. 25:09on your behalf.
454. 25:11And I would say this, forgiveness only takes one person.
455. 25:13Forgiving is not forgetting.
456. 25:15Forgiving is not saying or excusing the behavior
457. 25:18of somebody else.
458. 25:19It's not saying, oh, I'm just going to move on and act like it never happened.
459. 25:22What forgiving is doing is it's really this act and this posture of surrender and giving this person, giving this relationship, giving this situation over to God, and allowing him to do it as he pleases because he is a God of restoration.
460. 25:36And he is the great repurposeer who can take broken things and broken people and broken relationships and make them beautiful again.
461. 25:44And so that's really what I would encourage somebody today who's experienced a lot of pain and a lot of wounds is
462. 25:50Surrender that relationship surrender that thing over to God choose to forgive
463. 25:55Reconciliation might not be possible. It might not even be healthy to be completely honest with you Alex
464. 25:59But I think that's a first step and that's a brand new start that can help us create potentially a brand new ending
465. 26:07Amen well said well said hey, let me cue something up and I want you to
466. 26:12You tell us kind of where the CDC is on the psychological state of teens and young adults,
467. 26:20but in our camps and our youth conferences, which we've done for many, many years, for
468. 26:28apologetics, for example, you know, 20 years ago, young people would ask things like, you
469. 26:34know, where did the Bible come from?
470. 26:36How do we know the Bible is really true?
471. 26:38And how do we know, you know, Jesus Christ really did rise from the dead?
472. 26:42And all those questions are still important and we speak and write to those things.
473. 26:47But honestly, the questions now are, in my opinion, and we're in front of several thousand
474. 26:55young people every year throughout all 50 states, the questions are less evidential and
475. 27:01more emotional.
476. 27:03For example, fear and anxiety, like when we'll do open Q&A very, very often, the question
477. 27:12are like, what does God say about the fear I feel?
478. 27:18And there's like this debilitating anxiety
479. 27:21and even almost like a dread.
480. 27:24And if you ask young people,
481. 27:26what exactly are you afraid of?
482. 27:29They might say, I don't know.
483. 27:31I just have this anxiety about life.
484. 27:35Rarely ever, almost never do I have kids say,
485. 27:40Gee, where did the manuscripts of the Bible come from?
486. 27:43Or how do we know that Noah built that ark?
487. 27:46And I mean, we can answer those questions when they come.
488. 27:48But it's much more emotive than cognitive.
489. 27:52It's much more about how am I feeling and can God help me?
490. 27:57So if you would, speak to that, the anxiety that seems to be so prominent among young adults
491. 28:05and teens these days.
492. 28:07Well, I think it goes back to the conversation regarding technology and phones that things
493. 28:12are literally at our kids' fingertips.
494. 28:14And it's not just in a sense you allowing the world to be exposed to them.
495. 28:19It's allowing your child to be exposed to the world.
496. 28:21And that's where things like pornography and different things can begin to come into our
497. 28:25child's lives.
498. 28:26But when it comes to the fear and the anxiety of things, Alex, I mean, you're talking about
499. 28:29thinking about the conversations that are even running within Christian circles right now
500. 28:32of UFOs and the church and the war in Iran and
501. 28:36Rash shootings happening everywhere.
502. 28:37And a lot of people would say and argue,
503. 28:39well, the world is a very different place post COVID-19
504. 28:42than what it was prior to COVID-19.
505. 28:44So when you look at stats, you have to be more current
506. 28:47and evidence based in the last five or so years.
507. 28:49A lot of the research is showing that the rates of anxiety,
508. 28:53the rates of depression, the rates of addiction,
509. 28:55the rates of loneliness, the rates of suicidality rates,
510. 28:59really places that we've never even seen before.
511. 29:01And that's alarming.
512. 29:02That is a staggering statistic
513. 29:04when we're even just considering those things.
514. 29:06But then 2023, the CDC did a youth risky behavior survey.
515. 29:12And what really alarmed people is that
516. 29:14this isn't just a small survey of one high school.
517. 29:17This is a survey of over 20,103 participants.
518. 29:2120,103 United States high school students
519. 29:25that they are studying and that they're giving this survey
520. 29:27to assessing their in a sense mental and behavioral health
521. 29:30as it relates to suicideality,
522. 29:32and the stats were honestly heartbreaking.
523. 29:3419.6% of those students had recognized
524. 29:39that they felt so persistently sad
525. 29:41that they in a sense contemplated suicide.
526. 29:4316% of those students had actually made a suicide plan
527. 29:47of how they were going to take and end their own life.
528. 29:50And then 9.5% of those students had attempted suicide
529. 29:55at least once in the 12 months prior
530. 29:57to that 2023 Youth Risky Behavior Survey.
531. 29:59So when you see those stats,
532. 30:01when you recognize that suicide is the second leading cause
533. 30:04of death amongst ages eight to about 20 years old,
534. 30:07there is an alarm that should go off in our minds
535. 30:09that says, oh my goodness, yes,
536. 30:11this is the most hungry and curious for Christ's generation
537. 30:13that's ever walked the face of the earth.
538. 30:15Yes, people are flocking back to the church
539. 30:16and that is a praise, but at the same time,
540. 30:19this is the most anxious generation
541. 30:22that has ever walked the face of the earth.
542. 30:25And I am just a firm believer
543. 30:26that it goes back to the distractions of our devices
544. 30:30that we continually put in our kids' hands.
545. 30:32And the problem is that we are trying to do relationship
546. 30:36through technology rather than just simply
547. 30:38through embodied friendship.
548. 30:40Like it used to be even in my generation.
549. 30:42I'm only 30, I know that I'm on the younger side
550. 30:44of the millennial generation,
551. 30:45but man, I remember like the slumber parties
552. 30:48and I remember playing outside with my friends
553. 30:50and I remember doing things that were so meaningful.
554. 30:52I don't even remember really having a phone all that much,
555. 30:55but that's a completely different world
556. 30:56that our kids are now growing up in.
557. 30:59Absolutely, you know, I was very blessed to grow up
558. 31:02in rural North Carolina on a farm.
559. 31:05And my sister and I, and then all of the kids
560. 31:08in the neighborhood, you know, basically mom was like,
561. 31:13hey, go play, don't kill yourself
562. 31:17and be back in time for supper.
563. 31:19And you know, we never rode a bike with a helmet.
564. 31:23Listen, I'm not saying you should do that.
565. 31:25I'm just saying how I grew up.
566. 31:26But our parents allowed us to get some bruises and scrapes.
567. 31:34And in a way, I think it kind of made us stronger.
568. 31:38We probably should have had a little fear.
569. 31:41We didn't have any fear, you know.
570. 31:43But what do you advise churches to do?
571. 31:48How can pastors, youth pastors,
572. 31:51and adult volunteers minister to an anxious generation
573. 31:55through their churches.
574. 31:58You know, I think it comes down to some hours
575. 32:01that we really do a lot in our educating
576. 32:03and teaching space, Alex, is being able to recognize
577. 32:06the different challenges that our kids are up against,
578. 32:08recognize even the science.
579. 32:09A lot of times our youth are adolescents, our young adults,
580. 32:12they don't, they maybe haven't developed a language quite yet
581. 32:15to help people understand that they are struggling.
582. 32:18So being able to recognize things, whether it's physically,
583. 32:20So whether it's a disheveled appearance,
584. 32:22whether it's changes in appetite, changes in sleep,
585. 32:25whether it's significant weight fluctuation,
586. 32:28whether it's just seeing the lack of depth in their responses
587. 32:31when you're asking them how they're doing
588. 32:33and they just give you the one word answers, fine, good.
589. 32:36Those types of things, being able to dive a little bit deeper
590. 32:39and continually show up, while at the same time,
591. 32:42responding to them in a more effective and efficient manner.
592. 32:45So how do we respond more appropriately or empathetically?
593. 32:49and recognize me.
594. 32:50Hey, guys, maybe forgive me.
595. 32:51Forgive me.
596. 32:52We got to pull away.
597. 32:53Quickly, quickly, give your website.
598. 32:56zachlinton.com, A-A-C-C dot-net.
599. 33:00When dad passed away in 07, he left uninheritance and they had saved and saved through the years.
600. 33:09Was just wondering what I could do with that money, invested or whatever.
601. 33:14I knew that I would like to help the Lord somehow in his work and then I kept hearing
602. 33:20about the charitable gift annuity and I thought, well that really sounds good.
603. 33:25And I knew that AFR would just be the best because they're in my home all day, all day
604. 33:32long.
605. 33:33And I kind of wanted to partner with the Lord through AFR and AFA and give back.
606. 33:39And I just felt like I knew that's what I wanted to do.
607. 33:43Like I say, it's just so easy.
608. 33:47I would just highly recommend the foundation.
609. 34:04The Hamilton Quarter Podcast and One-Minute Common Terrets
610. 34:07are available at AFR.net.
611. 34:10Back to the Hamilton Quarter on American Family Radio.
612. 34:15Welcome back to the program, Alex McFarland,
613. 34:18sitting in for attorney, pastor, broadcaster,
614. 34:21Abe Hamilton III.
615. 34:22By the way, if you recognize my voice,
616. 34:25It might be because of a show called Exploring the Word.
617. 34:28Now in its 16th year, we're on the American Family Radio
618. 34:32Network Live Monday through Friday
619. 34:34and prerecorded at other places all around
620. 34:38wherever you get your digital content,
621. 34:40or maybe you're like the 93% of Americans
622. 34:44that still listen to terrestrial radio.
623. 34:48Yes, radio is out there.
624. 34:49You can find all of our content, both at aFR.net.
625. 34:52You can listen to this show again,
626. 34:54maybe forward a link to somebody that may be blessed to hear this, aFR.net.
627. 35:00Of course, Alex McFarlane.com.
628. 35:01Before the break, we were hearing from our guest, Dr. Zach Clinton.
629. 35:07You were giving some R's.
630. 35:08I had asked about what churches and leaders could do.
631. 35:13You said recognize and respond.
632. 35:16If you would, Zach, cue that up again.
633. 35:18I want to give you time to finish that thought because this is good stuff.
634. 35:23Yes, Alex.
635. 35:24The first step is to be able to recognize the challenges, the different things, the many
636. 35:28complexities that our kids are up against, but also be able to recognize when they're
637. 35:32struggling because a lot of our kids are youth or adolescents.
638. 35:35They maybe don't have the language to let somebody know the challenges that they're up
639. 35:39against.
640. 35:40So looking at the physical or the behavioral things, whether it's weight fluctuation, whether
641. 35:44it's changes in appetite and sleep, whether it's the lack of depth in their responses,
642. 35:49whether it's emotional fluctuation, or it's just like, you know, one day to this person
643. 35:52And then the next day there's someone completely different.
644. 35:54Being able to recognize those challenges is really important.
645. 35:57Being able to respond then effectively and efficiently.
646. 36:00And I'll say this empathetically, the language in the mental health space has changed
647. 36:04away from what's the matter with that kid or what's wrong with him or her into maybe what happened to this child.
648. 36:10So getting to know the story and the struggle beneath the story even really begins to matter.
649. 36:15So asking those open-ended questions that helps you then number three relate to kids in times of need.
650. 36:22So that way we're able to have more meaningful conversations.
651. 36:24You're not just constantly giving them advice
652. 36:27or being a dictator, but you're also not just being
653. 36:29an active listener, allowing this kid, in a sense,
654. 36:32to walk to the inevitable death of a cliff.
655. 36:34You're actually beginning to guide them through life,
656. 36:37their meaningful interaction.
657. 36:38And the last one is learning how and when to refer.
658. 36:41A lot of times churches will sometimes just try to
659. 36:45battle through with a child who maybe there are continued
660. 36:49mental health challenges.
661. 36:50There's continued things in severity levels
662. 36:52and there needs to be a time and a space
663. 36:54where we're able to say,
664. 36:55maybe this is a little bit over my pay grade,
665. 36:57maybe I need to bring somebody else in,
666. 36:58even as a licensed professional counselor,
667. 37:00I am always referring out to whether it's psychologists
668. 37:03and psychiatrists and pastoral care,
669. 37:05because I believe that this sense of holistic care
670. 37:08and the humility to lock arms with other people
671. 37:11is only going to be able to provide the help
672. 37:13and the hope and the healing that people not only desire,
673. 37:17but I just believe Alex that they're very deserving of.
674. 37:19So being able to give those four hours, recognize, respond, relate, refer.
675. 37:23Those are how a lot of our education, our educational platforms and programs
676. 37:27have been built over the years.
677. 37:29Indeed, indeed.
678. 37:30And you know, what a joy, what a joy.
679. 37:33The Bible says that we are his ministers.
680. 37:36If you're a born-again believer.
681. 37:38And I'm not just talking like a pastor, thank God for the, the Godly ministers,
682. 37:43but every Christian is really an ambassador of the love of Jesus to a world
683. 37:49that is hurting and hungry.
684. 37:51And so, you know, Zach, I gotta tell you, in the ministry,
685. 37:57even when I was at Liberty University,
686. 37:58I was going simultaneously to seminary
687. 38:01and the grad school.
688. 38:02And I found myself doing a lot of hospital visits.
689. 38:06And I noticed something, I want you to comment on this
690. 38:08if you would, did my,
691. 38:10performed my first funeral while I was in seminary at Liberty.
692. 38:14When somebody is in the hospital,
693. 38:17All that matters is God and family.
694. 38:20And in 30 years, I've been at the bedside of right many dying people.
695. 38:27Nobody ever on their deathbed says, oh, I should have had a nicer car.
696. 38:33All that matters is the Lord and my loved ones.
697. 38:37Speak to that.
698. 38:40I think millions of people would concur.
699. 38:42Certainly everyone who's ever been in the ministry, in the crucible of life,
700. 38:47with people, all that matters at the bottom of the page is God and family. Wouldn't you agree?
701. 38:55Absolutely. I think when I've sat with people on their deathbeds, I've done a lot of life with
702. 39:00people and we've had a lot of ups and a lot of downs, but just continuing to show up for them.
703. 39:05And I've never heard anybody ask for another dime. I've always asked, I heard them ask for a
704. 39:08lot more time. I've never heard somebody ask for a lot more money. They just want to reflect on
705. 39:13the memories. They just wish that maybe they would have gone back and done things a little bit
706. 39:17differently, spent more time, reached out a little bit more frequently, made the call,
707. 39:21gotten home a little bit more, whatever it was.
708. 39:24Because as you mentioned, it's about a relationship with God, and it's about a relationship with
709. 39:28those closest to us.
710. 39:29Whether it's chosen or unchosen family, it's the recognition that we were made to be in
711. 39:34relationship with one another.
712. 39:36And I think the call that I have to a lot of families out there, Alex, is this idea.
713. 39:41Ian Simkins is a pastor out of Tennessee, and he's currently working on a book that's titled
714. 39:46every table in altar. And the research that he has revealed shows that 60 years ago, the
715. 39:51average American family spent around 90 minutes a day around a table. Whether it was playing
716. 39:57games, whether it was for conversation, whether it was sharing a meal together, whatever it
717. 40:01was, but they spent time with one another embodied relationships. Fast forward 60 years
718. 40:06later to today, the average American family spends less than 12 minutes around the table.
719. 40:11Again, they're always in their rooms. They're always doing something else, but they're not
720. 40:15together and that's the recognition.
721. 40:18And when you talk about phones, I speak a lot into marriages.
722. 40:21Marriages on average spend less than 12 minutes
723. 40:23in meaningful conversation with your spouse a day,
724. 40:25but more than four hours on your devices a day.
725. 40:27Four hours connected to a screen,
726. 40:29but disconnected from each other.
727. 40:30It's this recognition that we need to learn how to pray
728. 40:34together, how to play together,
729. 40:36and how to share a plate together.
730. 40:37So learning how to spend time modeling what faith looks
731. 40:41like within the home.
732. 40:42Spend time in prayer, pray with each other,
733. 40:45Pray of course intimately with God alone,
734. 40:47but at the same time, make it a communal thing
735. 40:49with your family.
736. 40:50Number two, learn how to play together.
737. 40:52Spend some special time.
738. 40:53Do meaningful things where again,
739. 40:55you're not forcing things, especially on your kids,
740. 40:57but you're spending time in meaningful conversation
741. 40:59and engagement with them.
742. 41:01And lastly, share a play together, eat together,
743. 41:03laugh together, have fun,
744. 41:05and get to know the intricacies of your family,
745. 41:08of your child, of your spouse
746. 41:11that maybe you couldn't otherwise.
747. 41:13That's just a challenge that I would give
748. 41:14a lot of families out there today.
749. 41:16God bless you.
750. 41:17This is such wise counsel.
751. 41:19Folks, I want to encourage you to listen to this again.
752. 41:22Re-listen.
753. 41:23I'm sitting here taking notes, just rejoicing at all this great solid truth you're giving.
754. 41:30And I want to listen to your words again, Dr. Clinton.
755. 41:33But I want to change gears.
756. 41:34With the time we've got left, I'm thrilled that we can begin to touch on this subject.
757. 41:39You've got a book coming out called Forged.
758. 41:42And it's about biblical masculinity.
759. 41:45And I want us to talk about this.
760. 41:47The title is Forged the Biblical Meaning of Masculinity.
761. 41:53Zach in pop media, you know, like in sitcoms or even movies, you know, if there is a dad
762. 42:01in the home, very often he's like kind of a goofball or something like that or maybe
763. 42:06just this, you know, stern, autocratic leader.
764. 42:10And much has been written about 50 years of the feminist movement, really kind of marginalizing
765. 42:17men and maleness and masculinity is said to be toxic.
766. 42:24One thing that concerns me is I've been reading about the manosphere.
767. 42:28The pendulum has swung the other way where there are guys that are kind of a caricature
768. 42:34of what a man should be, sexually promiscuous, a player, very demeaning and disrespectful to
769. 42:42women.
770. 42:44Let's talk about God's initial intent for masculinity and how we can recover godly manhood in this
771. 42:54generation that's lost its way on this topic.
772. 43:00Let's start out the end of our conversation by saying this is one of my favorite things
773. 43:03just because as you mentioned, culture and society would say that masculinity is toxic.
774. 43:08Men are buffoons, they're a joke, they're horrible husbands, terrible fathers, porn addicts,
775. 43:12abusers, all of these things.
776. 43:13But in reality, I'll say this as a mental health professional, there's a lot of toxic behavior.
777. 43:18I've seen men make a lot of toxic choices, but there's nothing toxic about being a man.
778. 43:22So what does biblical masculinity actually look like?
779. 43:25That's at the premise of this book forged.
780. 43:28It's this recognition that I believe it's built on different pillars and I believe that
781. 43:31Biblical masculinity is kind of broken down into five different things. It's this idea of being a
782. 43:36prophet, a priest, a pursuer, a provider, and a protector. Let's start there. A provider is this
783. 43:42recognition. It's not just providing for the home financially or physically. It's this idea of being
784. 43:46able to provide emotionally for our kids, being able to meet them in times of need. Number two,
785. 43:50being a protector. Not just being a protector of the person in the alley, but I should say the thief
786. 43:56trying to steal the person in the alley, but really being a protector of the thief that's trying to
787. 44:01steal the purpose within your child's or maybe your spouse's mind.
788. 44:04It's this recognition of how can I begin to protect this innocent, beautiful little child
789. 44:10or this innocent, beautiful wife of mine to be able to recognize I want to protect their
790. 44:14minds.
791. 44:15I want to protect their hearts.
792. 44:16I want to protect their souls.
793. 44:17I want to protect their spirits.
794. 44:19As scripture says in Ephesians 6, not provoking these things, but instructing them in wise
795. 44:24counsel.
796. 44:25Then it's a pursuer.
797. 44:26I think complacency is one of the greatest culprits within the home and we get so comfortable
798. 44:30that we just sit back and we stop pursuing the things
799. 44:33and the people that God has placed right in front of us.
800. 44:35So never stop pursuing those things in a meaningful way.
801. 44:39Then be a prophet.
802. 44:40Understand that words create worlds.
803. 44:42What are the words that you are bringing into your home
804. 44:45every single day?
805. 44:46Are you speaking life into the lives of those
806. 44:49who mean the most to you?
807. 44:50And lastly, are you a priest?
808. 44:52Are you somebody who in Ephesians five,
809. 44:54when God talks about this idea of biblical submission?
810. 44:57I think a lot of husbands take that out of context, Alex.
811. 45:00I have always been able to read the commentaries
812. 45:03and different theological beliefs of the recognition
813. 45:05that when a man is leading accurately
814. 45:09or leading appropriately in scripture,
815. 45:10they are fully surrendered and submitted to God first
816. 45:13and foremost, so therefore their wife and their children
817. 45:16are not really following Alex.
818. 45:18They're not really following Zach.
819. 45:19They're not really following Brian or Jeff.
820. 45:22They are following God through us.
821. 45:24And then our spouses and our children get to be a recipient
822. 45:27of the love that hopefully oozes out of our spirit
823. 45:30every single day.
824. 45:31I challenge men with this.
825. 45:33Jesus might not come to your front door
826. 45:36and knock on your home and walk in
827. 45:38to be able to exude himself to you,
828. 45:40but he has sent you as a messenger each and every day.
829. 45:43And my prayer for every man, every husband,
830. 45:46every father out there listening today
831. 45:47is that they would be an example
832. 45:49and they would be a testament of what Christ's
833. 45:51like obedience, faithfulness and love
834. 45:53looks like within their homes each and every day.
835. 45:56Amen, amen.
836. 45:58You know, the longer I live, and you know, 30 years ago,
837. 46:01I did believe this, but the longer I've lived,
838. 46:05and not only been married to Angie now for, you know,
839. 46:08over 35 years, and we've seen God do so many things
840. 46:14to guide us and provide for us.
841. 46:16But Zach, I have more than ever to the core of my soul,
842. 46:22believe in the sacredness of the family.
843. 46:25I tell guys, hey, I said the young men in all of our events, look, the second greatest gift God will
844. 46:32ever give you, second only to salvation itself. The second greatest gift is a Christian wife.
845. 46:38And you know, you lay down your life for your bride, like Christ laid down his life for his bride,
846. 46:46the church. You know, we're living in a time of worldview battles, but I will say this and you
847. 46:55agree or disagree to honor God, live a blessed life, and contribute to the fulfillment of the
848. 47:03great commission. Become a champion for family, beginning in your own home. I love apologetics.
849. 47:10I love theology and evangelism. The key to saving America and evangelizing the world
850. 47:18is the family. I really believe that. Absolutely. I was officiating a wedding this past weekend, Alex.
851. 47:25And I was challenging the bride in the groom with this thought as they walked down the aisle and they came in a sense presenting themselves before the Lord.
852. 47:33They were making vows to God first and foremost.
853. 47:36And again, the spouse gets to be the recipient of those vows, but they're not just saying these empty promises that can be blown away by the wind to one another.
854. 47:45These are vows before God, vows to be faithful to one another in sickness and in health till death do us part like these are the words that we cling to and we listen to in all the movies and so many things.
855. 47:55But it's this idea that when we recognize that the family really matters more than anything else and really a wedding day is not just a day of celebration.
856. 48:05It's a day of crucifixion. It's being able to say, I am dying to myself.
857. 48:09I am dying to the things that need to be dead in me already.
858. 48:12I am dying to whatever it is that might actually create the sense of straying away from the family unit or from my faithfulness to God ultimately altogether.
859. 48:20and I am choosing to lay down my life for one another
860. 48:24as unto the Lord and not unto man,
861. 48:26and that which God has brought in together,
862. 48:28we hope and pray that he and the world would never separate.
863. 48:32That's a beautiful thing when we recognize
864. 48:34the heart and the meaning behind marriage in the family.
865. 48:37Zach Lint, your book forged the biblical meaning
866. 48:41of masculinity.
867. 48:42When does it release and where may people get it?
868. 48:46So they can actually get it
869. 48:47wherever books are sold right now.
870. 48:49Forg, it's a 90 day devotional.
871. 48:50It's the ABCs of biblical masculinity.
872. 48:53So 90 characteristics that will help us
873. 48:55and give us challenges as men to continue to live this life
874. 48:59forged in the fire, recognizing that maybe
875. 49:01in the midst of your suffering moments
876. 49:03and your trials and tribulations, God has not forgotten you.
877. 49:06He's just forming you.
878. 49:07He's not punishing you.
879. 49:08He's just pruning you and preparing you for all
880. 49:10that he has left for you to accomplish
881. 49:13and to experience on this side of eternity.
882. 49:16God bless you, Dr. Zach Clinton.
883. 49:17the great work you're doing. Give our regards to your father, Tim Clinton, and all of your
884. 49:22family and staff. Folks, you can listen to this program again at aFR.net. In the meantime,
885. 49:27remember the challenge that everything rises or falls on the state of the family, and you can begin
886. 49:33to maximize on this gift of family today. God bless you all. Thanks for listening.